How I realized I was over Star Wars completely

[Antropov]

As if "Grievous", "Maul", "Sidious" and "Plageous" weren't bad enough.

[Senor JabbaJohnL]

His design is more Tim Burton than Star Wars:


I didn't read the plot synopsis, but there's your . . . whatever the fuck he's supposed to be.

[Antropov]

My.

God.

That thing is an absolute abomination of all things SW. Its like Ephant Mon and Max Rebo did some fuckin' and then slapped Dash Rendar's shoulder pads on their kid. Joke.

[Diabolical]

Detailed Spoilers: Part II

In the pit beneath the Hutt audience chamber on Teth, Anakin Skywalker and Asajj Ventress face each other, lightsabers lit.

This is a rematch, but Anakin is take by surprise when Asajj combines her two lightsabers, and attacks with a double-bladed weapon. He can't get the upper hand over the unusual laser-sword.

There's also a baby Hutt to rescue, too--so while the Chosen One and the Sith Apprentice trade blazing blows, Anakin's new padawaan Ahsoka Tano tries to get "Stinky" out of there.

She opens the door... and finds herself face to face with a rancor. Evidently, no use of the "trap-door in the Hutt's throne-room" motif from Return of the Jedi is complete without one.

The monster charges, and the heroes and the Sith apprentice all have to flee, but Anakin and Asajj keep fighting. It seems that actually fight on the rancor's back for part of the duel, while Ahsoka deflects attacks from battledroids, firing down through the opening from the audience chamber.

Eventually, slashed by saber wounds, the rancor collapses... straight onto Asajj.

To mark the end of the action sequence, Rotta the Huttlet throws up, narrowly missing Anakin. It seems that George's love of visual gags involving bodily fluids is undiminished.

The heroes are joined by Artoo Deetoo, and they make their way back from the rancor pit to a landing pad. But one of the enemy Vulture Droid starfighters blows up the ship that should take them away. This is the second time that's happened in the movie, and this seems to be the incident we see in the trailer.

Then the Vulture Droid comes in to land, and we finally see one of these things fighting in the ground mode that was designed for The Phantom Menace a decade ago. After another action sequence, Anakin and Ahsoka defeat it.

While they've been busy with all that, the wider situation has changed. Obi-Wan has arrived in orbit with a Star Destroyer, and Captain Rex is under attack. Anakin, Ahsoka and Rotta hurry to help, but attacked by more battle droids, they have to retreat back through a blast-door.

Rotta is really sickly now, but he points to another of the narrow, flat-topped mountains that define Teth's landscape: there's a ship waiting on the top. This is the Twilight, a shuttle built like a B-wing on steroids, which we've seen in the trailers and the Lego kit.

But how do the heroes get to it? Anakin simply jumps off the cliff--and reappears riding a giant flying insect.

Before they can leave, Ventress cuts through the door with her lightsaber, and attacks again, but during this onslaught, the damaged landing-pad begins to collapse. The Sith woman has to beat a retreat, while the heroes leave on their flying insect--Ahsoka clinging to her Master, Rotta being burpy.

Meanwhile, Obi-Wan's troops launch an orbital assault, defeating Vulture droids on the way down, and landing at the Hutt fortress.

But if you thought that was the end of the fight, think again. To get to the Twilight, Anakin and Ahsoka have to deal with another group of battledroids, led by the seemingly helpful droid they met when they reached the Hutt fortress (this seems to look like the black Death Star Droid from Episode IV, incidentally).

Back at the fortress itself, Captain Rex and his troops are surrounded and getting decimated by the droids, but at the last minute, Obi-Wan's reinforcements arrive, and deal with the attackers.

Inside the Hutt castle, Ventress is discussing the situation with Count Dooku on the holocomm. The count tells her to return Rotta to Tatooine herself, in order to bring the Hutts over to the Separatist cause.

Then Obi-Wan walks in, and another lightsaber battle ensues.

Meanwhile, Anakin, Ahsoka, Artoo and Rotta have taken off aboard the Twilight. Faced with the choice of helping Obi-Wan, or getting Rotta out of danger, they reluctantly choose the second option, and head for orbit.

Unfortunately, the Star Destroyer overhead is under attack from Vulture Droids... and thinks they're another enemy ship. Anakin and Ahsoka try to clear that up, but then - in a scene we saw in the trailers - a Separatist fighter crashes into the Star Destroyer's hangar bay.

Anakin has to fly his motley crew to Tatooine aboard the Twilight itself. They leap to hyperspace.

Meanwhile, back at the fortress, Ventress and Obi-Wan duel, trading blows and insults, in what seems to be the second big lightsaber set-piece of the movie. To end the clash, Assaj leaps on a passing Vulture droid, and speeds away.

A quick scene aboard the Twilight shows that Ahsoka has been given some medicine, and is slightly less of a ball of vomit than he was before. But Asajj returns to the castle, and contacts Dooku and Jabba on the holocomm.

She says that Rotta is dead, and that the Jedi are heading to Tatooine. As Jabba rages, Dooku says he will deal with Anakin before the Jedi can reach him too.

Sure enough, as the Twilight arrives at Tatooine, a squad of Magna Guards attack in their fighters. These are the droids who served as the bodyguards for General Grievous in Revenge of the Sith, but their role here seems more akin to that of the "assassin droids" who served as bodyguards for Dooku and Ventress in the novel Yoda: Dark Rendezvous.

After an orbital dogfight, the Magna Guards go down in flames, thanks to some great shooting from Artoo Deetoo... but not before they damage the Twilight. The ship crash-lands in the desert.

The heroes are going to have to walk to Jabba's castle.

Meanwhile, on Coruscant, Chancellor Palpatine meets Yoda - and a hologram of Obi-Wan - in a recap scene that sounds like it might be a relic of the movie's origins as a series of TV episodes.

However, mid-way through the scene, Senator Padme Amidala arrives. She offers to seek out Jabba's uncle Ziro, who's based on Coruscant.

Through him, she thinks she can persuade the Hutts of the Republic's good intentions.

[Diabolical]

On Coruscant, Senator Padmé Amidala of Naboo meets with Ziro the Hutt, the uncle of the feared Jabba. She attempts to persuade him that the Jedi are really trying to rescue Rotta.

Ziro's answer is to have her escorted out--but as she's leaving, the brave Senator slips back, and eavesdrops on Uncle Ziro... speaking to Count Dooku!

But Ziro's bodyguards capture Padmé, and the Hutt has her led off to his dungeon. Seems that Leia wasn't the first Skywalker woman this happened to....

Meanwhile, on Tatooine, Anakin and his padawaan Ahsoka are travelling across the desert with Rotta, trying to reach Jabba's palace. They sense a dark side threat nearby, so they split up, with Ahsoka taking Rotta.

Back on Coruscant, Padmé is being taken down to the Hutt's dungeons, drops her commlink, but she somehow manages to use this to get a message to See-Threepio.

Meanwhile, Anakin is heading alone through the desert. Sure enough, Dooku appears on his swoop bike, and attacks. Elsewhere, Ahsoka, Rotta and Artoo are getting within sight of Jabba's palace, but then a second squad of Magna Guards appears, and attacks them.

As Dooku and Anakin fight, the Sith Lord shows the Jedi hero a holo of his padawaan in trouble--and rather than pressing his advantage in the duel, Anakin steals the Count's swoop bike, and races off.

Back on Coruscant, Padmé has been brought back before her Hutt captor, and is about to be put to death. It seems her threat that she has "powerful friends" will do no good (although it does suggest that her and her daughter were both trained identically for this situation at finishing school)...

Then an explosion echoes through the Hutt residence. A unit of clone troopers comes in, led by a certain Commander Fox (he's shown fighting a spider droid in one of the LEGO kits, but I've not heard about anything like that here). They rescue Padmé, and take Ziro prisoner.

Back on Tatooine, Artoo is kicking Magna Guard butt for the second time in the movie, helping out Ashsoka as they defend Rotta. Anakin appears on the swoop... and races straight past to Jabba's palace.

Once inside, he surrenders his lightsaber to TC-70, and is taken to Jabba. He seems surprised to learn that Ahsoka isn't there yet.

(No, I don't understand how that works, either).

Anakin uses the Force to grab his 'saber back, and holds it to Jabba's throat. As they argue, Ahsoka walks in with Rotta. Jabba is delighted to see his "punky muffin"... but still orders the Jedi to be killed.

Together, Anakin and Ahsoka face off against Jabba's guards.

And then his holocomm rings. It's Uncle Ziro... with Padmé holding him prisoner.

Ziro admits he was involved in the kidnapping. Jabba is NOT PLEASED... but Padmé seizes the moment, and negotiates an alliance for the Hutts with the Republic.

That done, Anakin and Padmé share a quiet personal moment on the holocomm.

Elswehere, Count Dooku is fleeing Tatooine, has the obligatory holocomm converstaion with his own Sith Master, the cloaked Darth Sidious.

And Anakin, Ahsoka and Artoo are reunited with Obi-Wan, as clone gunships arrive at Jabba's palace. The heroes have won the day, and now it's time to fly off into the animated TV series

*sigh*

[Ran]

His design is more Tim Burton than Star Wars:


I didn't read the plot synopsis, but there's your . . . whatever the fuck he's supposed to be.

Wow. Someone is top heavy.

I skimmed through some of the spoilers. Is this supposed to happen between AOTC and the other Clone Wars cartoons? It looks bad. At this rate, the live action show should be as bad, if not worse than the Holiday Special.

The only thing missing is Count Dooku's sister, Sue. She is good with math related puzzles.

[mabudon]

HA Sue Dooku, nice one Sir

That sounds like SO much STUPID bullshit it isn't funny- this is exactly what Timothy Zahns books did to make the HATE the EU- the whole "almost like what happened in the movies EH?? nudge nudge- but this is happening on a different planet!!!"

I can't watch this piece of PURE shit, the prequels wasted enough of my life already

[Senor JabbaJohnL]

I skimmed through some of the spoilers. Is this supposed to happen between AOTC and the other Clone Wars cartoons?

No, it takes place after Anakin becomes a knight, so it's somewhere in the middle of the old show. Like before he shows up with the long hair, I suppose.

I also skimmed it. Punky muffin, what the fuck? It seems like these are incomplete. We'll see. Er, well, you guys won't, but I will.

[anarky]

First, there's no reason to insult Tim Burton. Though I see the resemblance to something he'd make up.

Second, I am praying that you will one day mature, JJL, and recognize this shit for the shit it is.

Third... Planet Christopher? Wow. Are they just running out of ideas or what?

[vynsane]

Third... Planet Christopher? Wow. Are they just running out of ideas or what?

HA! in my skimming i missed that one... that's awesome. they should name one "planet planet" or "the planet" like we have "the moon" and "the sun" - awesome.

or "planet hollywood".

[Ran]

Should have been Planet Walken or possibly Planet Kristoferson.

[vynsane]

Should have been Planet Walken or possibly Planet Kristoferson.

both of those are too awesome to be put on a movie screen. it would melt. and the heads of the people in the first five rows would explode scanners style.

[Ran]

Yes, but the people in the first 5 rows would have been the SW Fanboys of the worst kind.

[Sleazer]

Fuck the haters, I'm gonna go see this in the theater. I think it might be a fun time.

Better than most of the shitty previews I see out there, from GI Joe to Speed Racer.

[Senor JabbaJohnL]

First, there's no reason to insult Tim Burton. Though I see the resemblance to something he'd make up.

Second, I am praying that you will one day mature, JJL, and recognize this shit for the shit it is.

Third... Planet Christopher? Wow. Are they just running out of ideas or what?

It wasn't an insult to Tim Burton. I love a lot of his work. I think Whorm is supposed to be a Whiphid (like J'Quille, Jempa, and K'Kruhk) but my first impression was that he looked like something out of Corpse Bride rather than Star Wars.

Anyway, on TFN when they still had the spoilers up (they seem to be gone now, or I just can't find them), they said that their synopsis was pieced together by spies who, from what I can tell, had not seen the film. A quick look on their site shows that they had multiple incorrect rumors for the other movies. The synopsis could be correct, but as I said, I'll probably be the only one here (well, Sleazer too) who will actually go see this and find out.

Hell, if you can like that seizure-inducing fanboy wank called Speed Racer, I can at least be open to watching the Clone Wars, which, from official things I've seen over the course of the last year, at least looks good.

And on the name "Christophsis" . . . I don't see how that's worse than other ridiculous shit like Anchor Blue or Jasper McKnives. Go ahead, look them up and see who came up with them. I'll wait.