G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero

[anarky]

Okay, got me there, but she still doesn't look like Scarlett to me. Scarlett's the girl next door, who never does anything wrong and seems like a total goody two-shoes, but she could kill you in five seconds using just her left arm. Let's assume the arm is broken so she has to take the full five seconds.

[Double_G]

There's only a few women in real life who could break an arm in five seconds, and they all look like this:

[anarky]

Not entirely. Scarlett is a fictional character, but she's an expert in several real martial arts, including karate, tae kwon do, and ninjustu. (I'd consider her an expert in a more "real-world" form of ninjutsu, more closely related to the real art than is usually seen in fiction.) Most martial arts stress that strength is not always an asset, and can easily become a liability. In addition, real-world ninjutsu (which her creator and primary writer is well-versed in, even if he isn't a practitioner) stresses strikes that debilitate as much as possible with as little effort as possible (often killing or severely injuring, as ninjas don't fuck around).

If she weren't able to break an arm with her upper body strength, she'd know how to do it with her legs.

Besides, you misread what I said. I said she could kill you with one arm in five seconds. Then I said to assume her arm was broken so that it actually takes her five seconds.

It's a fact that Scarlett is the second deadliest member of the Joe team in unarmed combat. Considering that teammates included Roadblock, Quick Kick, Jinx, Storm Shadow, and at least four other male ninjas, that's hella impressive.

But, back to the original point, anyone who practices any physical activity as regularly as she does martial arts would have to have some muscle definition.

[Sleazer]

They should cast Sylvester Stallone in this movie, he's make a very believable Rocky Balboa. I think William Perry could pull off the role of The Fridge pretty competently.

[jdr3]

What I find most disturbing about the G.I. Joe movie that is speculated is the plot outline on IMDB:

A European-based military unit known as Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity (G.I.J.O.E.), a hi-tech, international force of special operatives takes on an evil organization led by a notorious arms dealer.

Since when is G.I. Joe European based, considering it to be "A Real American Hero". And "Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity" sorry I don't think that is what they meant when the term G.I. Joe was first brought about. Maybe something has changed, I haven't read the comics in a while, couldn't get into the newest incarnations of the cartoon. Maybe I am just tired of fucking Hollywood taking a good thing and torching it because they all believe that they all don't like the government/establishment (though they will take all the money they can get from it) and don't want to seem like they are supporting a fact of life (war, it happens, always will). Why not just trash Howdy Doody and fuckin' Mr. Ed for Christ sake. Haven't seen the Lone Ranger in a while, might as well destroy that too. Yeah, he shouldn't be a cowboy, because cowboys killed indians and yeah...he shouldn't use a gun because guns are bad...and yeah his side kick can't be Tonto unless that stands for Totally Ominous National Talking Outsourcing, which of course is a robot, and he doesn't ride a horse because that is animal cruelty so instead he drive a Prius, because those are really in in Hollywood, though the battery that drives the electrical part will probably be shown to cause some disease worse than cancer and AIDS combined in a couple of years.

Sorry, this probably should have gone in the rants/raves section, but it started with G.I. Joe

[Diabolical]

“In the comic book, you don’t know where the location of the Pit [G.I. Joe headquarters] is. So, the idea that it’s based in Brussels is false, the idea that it is a European base or an international kind of organization is false. It is the G.I. Joe Organization.”

http://www.slashfilm.com/2008/01/08/pro ... joe-fails/

[anarky]

“When we were trying to figure out who would be the right element to make this combination work of Duke as the leader and Ripcord as the best friend who sorta gets Duke in trouble all the time and Duke has to bail him out all the time and have fun with him, we needed a guy who’s gonna be funny and we needed a guy who was going to be a good actor. And we went to Marlon and said, “We’d love to talk to you.” And he’s a gigantic GI Joe fan and immediately asked, “is Cobra in it, is Destro in it?” I mean before he even got to read the script he was so much fun to talk to because he understood what it was. So he got it immediately, and when we did the test.... It was frankly the easiest casting decision we’ve made in the movie once we saw the test.”

Not only is Ripcord supposed to be funny, but casting Marlon was the easiest casting decision they've made?

Fuck it. I give up. I gave Transformers a chance and still pray for an hour every night that God will strike me with amnesia.

[anarky]

If the rumors are true, the kid from Third Rock (Joseph Gordon Levitt) has been cast as....

Are you sitting down? Really, I think it's a good idea.

Cobra Commander.

While I have liked Mr Levitt (or is it Mr Gordon Levitt?) in everything I've seen him in, this is so wrong that it defies belief.

Oh, and he's Duke's buddy, but has a falling out with him and that's why he founds a ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world. (I added the last part. For all we know, based on the info leaking out, Cobra will no longer be a terrorist group, but a reknowned gay dance troupe from Amsterdam.)

I officially give up on this.

Hopefully when I'm 50 and they're remaking all the movies from today, someone might do a Joe movie that doesn't suck ass.

[Double_G]

Okay...now I'm worried. A fucking 25 year old as Cobra Commander? I hope it's just a mistake and he was really cast as someone else but this was leaked due to media misinformation or something. Holy shit. This movie will suck balls.

[Rick McCallum]

When I saw the concept animatics that ILM came up with for this movie, I was blown away. I think this will be another huge, great movie along the lines of Transformers.

[anarky]

The more I think about it, the more I realize: If I were to sit down and try to come up with the worst possible GIJoe movie I could imagine, it would still be a thousand times better than this is destined to be.

[anarky]

This guy has been cast as the biggest douchebag in the Joe universe.

At least he looks dumb enough to be that asswad.

Have I mentioned lately I hate Duke?

[anarky]

Okay, I may have to eat some words. Somewhat.

http://www.iesb.net/index.php?option=co ... ink&id=710"

Hama has given his seal of approval, even if he doesn't seem especially enthusiastic. Maybe he's just a low-key sorta guy.

[Diabolical]

This should make some people happy:

Brian Goldner Talks G.I. Joe

MTV interviewed Brian Goldner, executive producer of G.I. Joe, and incoming Hasbro CEO, about the upcoming movie. Items revealed were:

- Comics writer Larry Hama is indeed working on the script, and will also make a cameo appearance in the film.

- The movie will disregard the cartoon and focus on the classic 155 issue Marvel run.

- The story is, more or less, about the rise of Cobra Commander.

- Locations involve underwater, desert, mountains and cities.

- Denial of rumors that American patriotism angle has been dialed back.

[anarky]

Hama's on the script now? Even as just a contributor?

Fuck it. I'm first in line now, bitches.

(I just re-read "Silent Interlude." I would have a sex change and bear that man's children if he asked me to.)