the vynsane asylum

I don't get it. We've had extremely dark Transformers stories. They're not off limits. Some fucking bean counter can't grasp that it's not that dorky adults want that because we're in a state of arrested development and want the same shit we grew up with, only EXTREEEEEM!!!1! No, this particular story has to be dark. Two friends who are like brothers become the most hated of enemies because one becomes Space (Worse Than) Hitler? Sorry, you can't make that into a light-hearted family romp by playing a tired Rolling Stones number and having them pretend this is Super Fucking Mario. This is like making a Holocaust comedy. I in no way mean to diminish genocide by comparing it to giant robots, but it's dark shit, because one of these robots becomes a genocidal maniac. By all accounts, Jerry Fucking Lewis couldn't even pull off a Holocaust comedy. Pretty sure no one on Hasbro's payroll needs to even try it.

Double post. Fuck Grimlock.

They fucking say "ass" in the first few seconds. Who the fuck is this movie for? I'd guess 8-year-olds, but you don't swear in the trailer for a kids' movie!

You're right. They are trying to make it Super Mario.

I just learned Steve Buscemi is Starscream and, while that does not give me hope for this movie, it is inspired casting.

This movie will tank hard and then I’ll muster up the stomach to sit thru it on Paramount+ in like six weeks, so I can legitimately bitch about how god awful it is.

I accidentally clicked a clip on IG and was too lazy to turn it off, but it actually looked... decent. Animation was gorgeous, and it was an absolute sea of cameos. Too many cameos to catalog. Fucking Cosmos was in it. Seriously, so many fucking recognizable Transformers, I wouldn't be shocked if even Bludgeon and Fangry and Slog are in it.

And it definitely seems to be setting up a new universe, more geared toward kids but seemingly not as heavily as trailers implied. It can't lead to anything worse than the Bayverse. I might actually go see this.

This is a photo of the Black Crowes. As we know, they fucking rock. I mean, who aside from them and Aretha can fucking top Otis Redding on one of his own songs?

Why am I posting a picture of the greatest Southern Rock band of the 90s.

Because I am eating a fucking dysfunctional Robinson family worth of crow right now.

I won't get into particulars until Tom sees it, and, really, man, I know how much you love Transformers, and you know how much I was bashing this film. See it. As soon as you can. It's definitely a family-friendly reboot, but it's actually as appropriately dark as this story needs to be. More Easter eggs than Solo. Deep dives into some shit. I'll spoil that, if you have a keen eye, fucking Impactor shows up.

We all know there have been many movies that have been done dirty by shitty, misleading trailers.

Whoever made the trailers for TF1 needs to be sent back in time to Hitler's bunker before the original Human Torch burns his ass up.

Its got 89% on RT with an audience score of 98%. Hmmmm.