The Official "Recommend Shitty Movies for JJL" Thread!

[mabudon]

I was gonna mention Gymkata- the scene in the "village of the crazies" where there's an ancient stone box-horse in the town square was a beauty- AND the lead actress was either a playmate or a penthouse pet (and as such can't even pretend to act, worse than the chick in Convoy)

[Jargo]

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106244/ try that one. Billy Dee Williams. I haven't seen it but it may sit well in the shitty movies category and it has boobies.

[Ran]

Weird conversation at work brought these up...

Mannequin and Mannequin 2: On the Move

Didn't know Kim Cattrall was in the first one.

[anarky]

Mannequin 1 isn't enormously bad. It's just a typical silly 80s movie.

[Caligula]

Caligvla (1979)

Hailed by many as the worst film ever made, and, in fact, one of the few films that Roger Ebert didst walk ovt of, proclaiming it to be "vtter shit." It was written by the great Gore Vidal, who didst disown it after it bore no semblance to his script, and directed by Tinto Brass, whose silliness of name shovld tell thee how talented he doth be. It became the first film to combine A-list actors like that Brittanic lovt Peter O'Toole with hardcore pornography, when Bob Gvccione, prodvcer and the editor of Penthovse magazine didst liberally insert hardcore scenes throvghovt.

I personally dost not feel this movie is bad for reasons which film critics and commoner believe. No, I believe it hast not enovgh pornography, not enovgh man-on-sister lovin', not enovgh random shots of men being sawed in half amidst crvcifixion. Hell, I covld even see adding some brother-fvcking, as my idiot brother Gemellvs appears for part of the movie. There was plenty of time! Yes, the movie was on the long side, bvt there dost always be time for brother-fvcking.

SenorIabbaIohnL, yov owest it yovrself to see this movie.

[Rollo Tomassi]

For flat out unintentional hilarity I recommend The Shadow from the early 90s starring Alec Baldwin, John Lone, and Penelope Ann. I defy you not to laugh every time Jonathan Winters is onscreen. Not because he's doing or saying anything particularly funny, but because well, you just have to watch it.

[vynsane]

For flat out unintentional hilarity I recommend The Shadow from the early 90s starring Alec Baldwin, John Lone, and Penelope Ann. I defy you not to laugh every time Jonathan Winters is onscreen. Not because he's doing or saying anything particularly funny, but because well, you just have to watch it.

i actually really like that movie - they played it up well, it's really a great rendition of a radio drama as live-action. they were so hokey and over-dramatic in the radio dramas of the day, it gets that feel.

[Ran]

Condorman. I don't remember much about it other than it was cheesy even when it came out. On a couple "movie days" in elementary school, we watched it (on a projector since it was before VHS).

They weren't afraid to destroy a Porche or two


Oh yeah, and he flies too

[anarky]

I normally couldn't in good conscience recommend Caligula, but this is the "Recommend Shitty Movies" thread, so I cannot think of a better place to put it. Just be prepared for some truly awful shit filmmaking.

Dick Tracy isn't exactly bad, but it's cheesy as hell--in an awesome way, if that makes sense.

Batman (the Adam West one) is insanely bad. So bad it's good. I think they show a picture of the movie poster beside the word "awefulsome" in the OED.

Another awful classic: China O'Brien. It has a martial artist named Cynthia Rothrock in the starring role as a woman who kicks people a lot. I forget why. She's apparently a real martial arts expert, but makes this insanely fakey "hiyaah!" every time she does a move. And, IIRC, she does not get hit. Not once. You know how the hero has to at least get hit once in the course of the movie? The filmmakers decided to overlook that requirement. There's also a guy named Dakota, who looks like Lou Diamond Phillips, which is funny because there was a film from the same year called Dakota that starred Lou Diamond Phillips as a guy named Dakota who was remarkably similar and these movies got played to death on HBO around the same time. Dakota gets his arm broken, or something, and gets what's essentially battle armor for a cast. The film is truly bad. And, holy shit, it looks like a then-unknown Tori Amos recorded a song for it.

The Lake House: If you're a true fucking masochist. The logical fallacies will make your head explode twice. It won't matter that it already exploded once. The movie is that bad.

Zorro the Gay Blade: Funny as fucking shit, and awful as hell. This is one that's not easy to find anymore because it's about as politically incorrect as possible. George Hamilton plays a rich Spanish guy from Mexico who returns home to find out his father was Zorro. He takes up the role of Zorro himself to bring justice to the town... but breaks his leg on his first outing. And then his brother, Bunny, shows up, also played by Hamilton. Bunny is every gay stereotype rolled into one, and he takes over as Zorro, wearing ridiculous costumes and fighting with a whip. It's way the fuck out of print, but I'm sure The Grip could find a copy.

Midnight Madness: A late 70s-ish film that's so painfully dated it hurts, but still has some good laughs. This mastermind D&D dungeon master type orchestrates this insanely complicated scavenger hunt for five teams of college students made up of stereotypes. In the end, some kid named Michael J Fox saves the day. Also, unless I'm mistaken, it's the feature film debut of some guy named Paul Reubens.

Big Man on Campus: This was never even released on DVD. I'd give my left nut to get a copy. It's a sort of adaptation of The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Some college students discover a crazy hunchbacked hermit named Bob Maloogaloogaloogaloogaloogaloogalooga living in the belltower of a college, and, as part of a psychology project (IIRC) decide to enroll him in the school. It's not an hysterical movie, but there are a few lines that can make you shit your pants if you're not careful. It looks like the whole thing might be on YouTube.

Shakes the Clown: Shakes is an alcoholic, self-destructive clown. This clip is everything else you need to know.

[Ran]

Agree with Batman, Dick Tracy, and Zorro. Never saw the other ones. Or if I did see Big Man on Campus, I have blocked all memory of it.

Zorro happened to be on one of the movie channels a year or two back. I managed to record it on my DVR, but about a week later the DVR died.

[Sleazer]

Flash Gordon, caught it on HBO the other morning...wow, was that awful.

[anarky]

Holy fucking shit.... I checked out The NeverEnding Story from the library. It's a great flick. Dated, but awesome as hell.

The flip of the disc is NeverEnding Story II. I had a kid who I needed to keep occupied, and was insisting on TV. I flipped the disc. I've never seen the sequel, though thought it looked bad from the trailers ages ago.

Holy fucking shit. This is Highlander 2 bad. This is Mortal Kombat: Annihilation Bad. This makes Batman and Robin look good.

The story so far is nonexistent. The effects reek of shit. Every single actor is replaced, and they didn't even bother to get actors that had any talent or looked at all like the characters from the first movie. The kid playing Bastion sucks. It looks like the high point of his career was the unremarkable Ladybugs with Rodney Dangerfield. Not to speak ill of the dead, but it wouldn't surprise me if his reason for committing suicide was that he grew up and accidentally saw this movie, embarrassing himself enough to push him to it.

[Tom Foolery]

The Manhattan Project. A high school student breaks into a nuclear research facility with nothing but a frisbee and some Pert Plus shampoo. He steals some plutonium, builds a bomb, and takes it to the science fair. Then, instead of throwing his ass in prison for the rest of time, they tousle his hair and are all ‘Eh, this kid’s got moxie!’


I actually wanna rewatch this movie to see how rose colored my glasses are.

[anarky]

I vaguely remember that existing.