the vynsane asylum

So nice to see another young lady gracing our forums. It takes a lot of work to keep these boys in line. And, really, sometimes the place seems like such a--oh, I hope you'll pardon the term--sausage festival. And I don't mean the sort where you sample Andouille, though those are nice, too. If the o...

Oh, that Harriet! Forever leaving her blue pubes on all manner of foodstuffs. I wouldn't eat that soup if I were you, anarky. But ask Harriet if she has any of her pecan brownie bars. Those are absolutely divine. Just hurry, because they always go fast; it seems her clients enjoy eating them after g...

Well, I guess I'll have to break out the old strap-on. Provided I can find it. I'm sure that bitch Harriet stole it again. Last time she did, the stench of fish and Clearasil just about knocked me out when I got it back.

Oh, I would so appreciate that, Harriet. You have that knack for blueberry muffins that I just can't seem to get down. You always were better at getting things down than I was--especially your panties, whenever the 4H Club is meeting. Too bad they usually mistake you for a goat and try to put you on...

I'm throwing a little shindig down at the club for Ophelia's birthday. I've not heard back from her precious little bundle of joy, Double_G, but I asked him to bring her a bouquet of roses big enough to mask your stench if you're able to make it. You really should come, Harriet. It's right across fr...

My sweet little Lucy won the contest three months ago. Those pictures are not altered; they're their real eyes. You just don't appreciate true beauty.

So, Roy's found himself a job at K-Mart now? Maybe now that lowlife bum can pay his back child support like Judge Judy told him to!

That's nasty! Now I know why the ladies at my bridge club always warned me to never let the kids swim in public pools. Really, JabbaJohnL, you could've found a nice girl who would've swallowed.

Roy, you be nice to the new fellow!

Jargo, Roy is at work from 9 to 5. Feel free to come over anytime during those hours.

Dear me, Harriet, I hope you're doing well. I've not seen you around the bridge club lately. Some of the girls tell me you died of rabies after the dog you were fellating for a video bit you. Is this true? I certainly hope not.

That's next Saturday, right, Harriet? I wouldn't miss it for the world. Vivian and Leonard are having twins, and I can't wait to give them the lovely matching booties I've knit for them. A little birdie told me you wouldn't be attending, though, which made me a bit sad. It was something about starri...

I've picked up some OJ for the mimosas. Someone actually had the nerve to steal it from my shopping cart, and I had to ask a couple of nice young men to accompany me to a local casino to get it back from the hooligan who stole it. It seems those men have met you before, Harriet. One of them said tha...

Sorry I haven't responded sooner about the OJ. The health inspector in the neighborhood advised us there was an unsafe level of air pollution, and we had to remain indoors. I guess you must have uncrossed those legs of yours again. I'm fresh out of OJ, but I've been planning to drive down to the sto...

Are we still on for bridge Tuesday? I wouldn't miss it for the world, Harriet. I hope Lucille is going to be there; I found this dress pattern that will be absolutely darling on her little Maxine. I'll bring the pecan pies if you'll be in charge of the mimosas. And please scrub out your snatch this...

I am hereby declaring war on Aunt Harriet. That bitch stole the ribbon that should've been mine last year in the county pie bake-off! Eat shit and die, bitch. And say hello to Susanne down at the hair salon for me. I've not seen her in two weeks. And still need to return that casserole I borrowed fr...