the vynsane asylum

i got an invite today. it was from someone named "sam." i don't know a sam. he had bad grammar and called me by some name i've never used for myself. i thought it might be one of you guys. i would be honored to accept the invitation, if only i knew it was for real one of you guys looking for some naughty times. i'm not gay, but i aim to please. i'm just worried it might be the ghost of hume cronyn. again.

Yeah, Rollo's Sam. I'm sure he sent it to you. He's always talking about how he gets massive amounts of cock from Fuckbook.

With all the trouble you've had with Ed McMahon sticking his dick in your cereal and the ghost of Hume Cronyn doing whatever, and given that you live in Chester Arthur's asshole, have you ever considered that maybe you're somehow asking these dead white guys to molest you. Just a thought.

I have no idea what fuckbook is. And I'm idiosyncratic about the name 'Sam' so I would never use that as a username. Ever.

I'm pretty sure it was vyn. He trolls on there for chicks who dig guys with hairy backs.

I searched you out on the book of fuck
I thought I'd have some kind of luck.

Can I stick it in you butt?
Do you mind if I bust a nut?

Would you lick my hairy sack?
Then I'll jizz upon your back.

In your mouth my dick will explode.
You can swallow my mighty load.

In your ass my cock I shall cram.
Would you like that? - Sam I Am.

This is as good a topic to derail as any. I was walking through the mall today. Does anybody have one of those Magic Sketch booths where they take your picture for a dollar or whatever and then turn it into a sketch drawing of you. We've had the same one at our mall for the last 20 years and it occured to me today, the cute little blonde on the side of the booth with the beret on is probably well into her 40s at this point. I wonder if she ever walks by the booth in the mall of whatever town she lives in and points that pic out to her kids and says "Look at me. I was HAWT when I was 20."

don't they make smart phones with that sketchbook photo app these days?

sam, i shall join the book of fuck
because i dearly wish you my dick to suck

i will splooge upon your face
your mother will say you look a disgrace

i will jizz all o'er your hair
i will jizz on you everywhere

oh, and let us not forgets
i'm joining just to fuck the muppets

i STARTED TO SIGN UP FOR fACEBOOK. tHEN i REALIZED i WOULD JUST BE CONTINUALLY REPOSTING THE STATUS UPDATE, "IS FUCKING YOUR DAD." i FIGURED EVERYONE DIDN'T NEED TO CONSTANTLY READ THE OBVIOUS.

aND IT'S TOUGH TO TYPE USING MY NOSE BECAUSE BOTH MY HANDS ARE SHOVED UP YOUR DAD'S ASSHOLE, WHERE THEY'RE PLAYING A TOY PIANO IN TIME TO HIM SUCKING MY BIG, BLACK DICK.

Do you want to hang out?
You can stroke my trouser trout.

We can use the rolodex
of positions for hot man sex.

Lets pretend we're on some Brokeback Mountain ranches
when I give you a dirty Sanchez.

I bet you're quite the trooper
when you're taking it in the pooper.

Do you want my nuts on your chin
while you have anal sex with a Bizarro Grin?

Promise me you won't be squeamish
as we double team a chef that's Swedish.

The definition of "Snarf" is 'To eat very quickly'.

I bet you're a huge hit on fuckbook.

I thought the definition of "snarf" was "to violently expel liquid through the nose as a result of laughing whilst swallowing the aforementioned liquid." Either way, yeah, I bet ol' "the_inverted_cunt_69" is quite the hit.

Wouldn't an inverted cunt be a dick?

I signed up on fuckbook for a short time because I was looking for liberal chicks to bang. Mostly because liberal chicks are willing to do all manner of depraved shit like let you piss on them and slap their ass with a spatula. Then after you're done with them you don't feel bad leaving them at the bus station because well, I mean fuck it. They're liberals.

anarky wrote:With all the trouble you've had with Ed McMahon sticking his dick in your cereal and the ghost of Hume Cronyn doing whatever, and given that you live in Chester Arthur's asshole, have you ever considered that maybe you're somehow asking these dead white guys to molest you. Just a thought.

And now you're fucking the ghost of Burgess Meredith and Susan Boyle (who may as well be a dead white guy)? I'd say, "Jesus, Zaphod," but you'd probably tell me you're fucking him, too.