Come over to my house and pretend to be Batman

[Diabolical]

Originally a craigslist ad (apparently):

i need you to dress up like batman and come over my house to insult my son. here’s the backstory–my 9 year old son bruce is obsessed with batman. i know that a lot of kids really like batman but bruce takes it to another level. he insists on wearing his batman outfit to school and all the kids make fun of him, he calls me a loser because i’m not as wealthy as bruce wayne’s dad, and he somehow caught a bat and let it loose in his room. i don’t even know how he caught the bat but the point is that this whole batman thing has gone too far. i need an actor or just a guy who’s willing to put on a batman costume (i rented a good one with vulcanized rubber because he’s too smart to fall for a cheap costume) and climb into his room in the middle of the night using a grappling hook i’ll leave out for you. then you have to wake him up and tell him that you don’t like him and he has to stop imitating you or whatever. tell him he’s not worthy of pretending he’s batman or call him a fat turd or whwatever. whatever it takes to get him off of this whole batman kick i think if he thought that the real batman didn’t like him he’d quit obsessing. i would do it myself but after a botched adenoids surgery my voice is very high pitched and nasally, so he’d recognize my voice too easily. i know this is a weird request and it’s probably my fault for naming him bruce wayne andlers, but it is what it is. since you’ll be alone in my son’s room in the middle of the night, i’d prefer only people without criminal records. let me know
-Glen

http://jerksinyourarea.com/2010/04/come ... n-lincoln/

[vynsane]

i'll do it.

[anarky]

My daughter's obsessed with Batman, but that's super-dickish.

Last night, the ever-growing entourage of imaginary friends based on characters she's seen in Batman cartoons grew. We previously had Robin, Robin's mom and dad (couldn't explain why that was so wrong), Robin's grandma, Black Canary, Black Canary's mom (but not dad), Black Canary's grandma, Green Arrow, and Superman. Now, "Batman in lots of colors" (the Batman of Zurr-En-Arrgh or whatever) joined us, and, if she knew Zatanna's name, I know she'd be here, too.

She told me in no uncertain terms that Louie the Lilac was not visiting. Apparently, she knows of his tendencies to take over things and turn them purple.

Louie, you're a dick.

[Rollo Tomassi]

Wouldn't it be more effective to break into the house as the Joker, molest the father right in front of the son, and then leave a dead body's decapitated head with a Batman mask on the dining room table and tell the kid you killed his hero?

[anarky]

Or pretend to be Batwoman and make out with his mom.

[The Grin]

Wouldn't it be more effective to break into the house as the Joker, molest the father right in front of the son, and then leave a dead body's decapitated head with a Batman mask on the dining room table and tell the kid you killed his hero?

I don't do the Joker thing because I'd rather not be mistaken for Bizzaro The Grin. However, I have known to dress up like Bruce Wayne and make sweet love to your mother.

[Bizarro The Grin]

Wouldn't it be more effective to break into the house as the Joker, molest the father right in front of the son, and then leave a dead body's decapitated head with a Batman mask on the dining room table and tell the kid you killed his hero?

wHAT'S THIS GUY'S ADDRESS? i'LL TOTALLY DO IT. i DON'T EVEN HAVE TO DRESS UP, AND, CHANCES ARE, i'M FUCKING THE KID'S DAD SOON ANYWAY.

i'D SAY i'D DO IT FOR FREE, BUT i DON'T DO MURDER WITHOUT GETTING PAID FOR IT. wELL, THERE WAS THAT ONE TIME, BUT THAT WAS A PERSONAL FAVOR FOR cHARO.

[The Charo]

cuchi-cuchi???

[Batman]

DONE.

THIS FAT TURD WILL NEVER AGAIN SULLY MY NAME WITH HIS CHILDISH GAMES! I HAVE PUT THE FEAR OF GOD INTO HIM.

THE FEAR OF THE GODDAMN BATMAN!