the vynsane asylum

I'm not gonna knock anybody for staring at boobs. I stare at girls' boobs all the time, be it in person or when I'm Photoshopping naked pictures of Patricia Heaton.

There is definitely something profound and mystical about 2 jiggly sacs of chestal tissue.

The only thing that bothers me about boob-staring is when guys boldly and blatantly do it to me whilst in mid-eye contact.

Like, some guy will ask for directions or something, and I'm telling him, "Oh you make a left on Main Street, and then you make a right onto Green Street..." and all the while, the guy is giving feedback like, "Mhmm, yeah, okay, mhmm...." and then as our eyes are looking at eachother, he looks down and does a quick peek at my tits. And mind you, my boobs are not enormous and I am not wearing a tight low-cut shirt or anything. My cleavage isn't up to my chin. I know that doesn't really make a difference and guys will look at boobs no matter what. It's just that I don't get it. I mean, I do get it, but at the same time I don't.

And it's like, buddy, couldn't you wait like 10 more seconds til our communication ended? I know that boob-staring is a top priority of yours, as it is mine, but can't it wait? Couldn't you wait til I was no longer making direct eye contact you? Or do you want me to catch you? Do you want me to be like, "Oh hey honey, I couldn't help but notice how you're staring at my breasts. Let's go make a baby so you can have someone to enjoy my boobs with."

When I want to stare at a girl's boobs, I wait for the appropriate time. Sometimes when I'm talking to a girl, I really want to look down, but my brain tells me, "BumCake, DO NOT do it. DO NOT look now. Wait. Just wait. Now is not the right time. She'll notice if you look now and then she'll cover them up." Cause that's what I do when I notice someone looking at them. I turn away and I cover my babies up.

But is the impulse to stare at boobs stronger than reason? The answer must be yes, but why? Boobs are magical, yes, but isn't the prospect for future boobage even more desirable?

Goddammit, I wish guys had something girls could stare at, you know, other than a wallet. Testicles are fine and dandy, but I wouldn't want to stare at them all day like I do boobs.

All I'm saying is that I don't care if you stare at my boobs, just don't fucking let me catch you doing it. I don't wanna see it. I know that guys & girls look at boobs, but I don't want to see you doing it.

So far, this week, I've caught 2 guys staring at my boobs in mid-conversation. And today is only Tuesday.

I mean, boobs are like nothing else in this world, but do you really have to stare at them while you are engaged in person-to-person information exchange with a girl? Just do what everybody else does and wait til you're done talking with the female and then when she's not looking, take a mental photograph of her boobs. And then with crayons and colored construction paper, draw a picture from memory of her boobs. Then when you're finished shading and doing the detail of the nipples, take your drawing and add it to the rudimentary photo album of tits that you have under your bathroom sink. Then, the next time you take a shower, you can take out your photo album, jerk off to it, and then cry in the shower like the rest of us.

Geeky guys are masters of staring at boobs without women knowing they're doing it. Don't ask me how I know that.

You can stare at my ripped abs or my python-like biceps.

I won't be offended.

BumCake wrote:I'm not gonna knock anybody for staring at boobs. I stare at girls' boobs all the time, be it in person or...

I'm sorry, you lost me after that.
I was looking out your tits.

Negative Boy wrote:The grass is always greener. Right now somewhere there's a flat chested, homely girl wishing to end all wishes that some guy would ogle her goodies in a lustful way. And in appreciation shed drop to her knees and give him the fellating of the decade. She might be the mousy looking teller at the bank. Or the receptionist at the dentist office. Or the barista at Starbucks. But whoever she is, she's hoping and wishing to get her rack stared at today. SO if some guy is decent enough to give your sweater kittens an eye wander...quit your bitching.

...or the girl that makes the lemonade at the corn dog place in the mall.

Negative Boy wrote:The grass is always greener. Right now somewhere there's a flat chested, homely girl wishing to end all wishes that some guy would ogle her goodies in a lustful way. And in appreciation shed drop to her knees and give him the fellating of the decade. She might be the mousy looking teller at the bank. Or the receptionist at the dentist office. Or the barista at Starbucks. But whoever she is, she's hoping and wishing to get her rack stared at today. SO if some guy is decent enough to give your sweater kittens an eye wander...quit your bitching.

You make a good point, but I'm not complaining about having boobs or staring at boobs in general. I'm complaining about staring at boobs at the wrong time. I'm complaining about continuously encountering moronic dickbags who can't maintain eye contact while communicating with me.

It's quite obvious that most men haven't mastered the use of peripheral vision. It works wonders to both maintain eye contact and get a gander at the goods.

Are you talking about the week starting on Sunday or Monday ?

They should just give us the 5 seconds to stare if the cleavage is heavy and then move on with the conversation.

I wonder what would happen if you were talking to a chick who was really flat chested, and you just kept staring at her non-chest like it was the biggest pair of headlights ever, would she say something?

I gotta admit, sometimes those braless boobies just end up in your face and you can't HELP but stare at them.

If she has cleavage out she meant for it to be stared at. It'd be the same if I took my pecker out of my zipper hole and walked around. People would look. It's not like it's an accident that my dick is out just like it's no accident that her titty balls are hanging out.

Slicker wrote:If she has cleavage out she meant for it to be stared at.

That's actually a popular misconception. Not all cleavage is intentional. Sometimes, cleavage just happens. My boobs aren't all that big, but they do have a habit of weighing down the chestal section of tops that aren't even low-cut. The only way for some girls to avoid cleavage is to wear a turtleneck.