I'll tell stories about him here. First up is the subject of presents.
A few years ago, he didn't give me a Christmas present. No big deal. However, this continued for two or three years. He always promised Aerosmith or Bon Jovi concert tickets. I'm not sure why Bon Jovi. That's his favorite band. They kick ass and all, but I'd pick Aerosmith any day.
Every year, he'd claim they went on sale (and they didn't) and he wasn't fast enough to get them.
Three years ago, he gave Mrs Anarky and I a card with a long handwritten number in it. He said it was the confirmation number for a dinner cruise with some company out of Long Beach. Despite his earlier history, this seemed a bit more legit, even though it was weird that it wasn't on some sort of company stationery.
So my wife calls up to book the cruise. The woman says the number is not one of theirs. They look it up by his name, my name, her name, addresses, everything. No results. The woman is embarrassed, but Mrs A tells her that she sort of expected something like this since the boy is a pathological liar. (I can't wait to tell you about his robbery.)
So we tell him the number didn't work. He says he went with some girl to get the cruise for her grandmother, and bought ours at the same time. Even though he's been good friends with this girl since high school, he claims to not know her last name! He has to call her to get it, and he doesn't have the number on him.
Needless to say, cruise tickets never materialized.
Two years ago, he got me a Playstation 2 for Christmas. Supposedly. He kept saying he was going to deliver it, and never did. Finally, I bought a used one from my brother in law. Funny thing is, my brother apparently forgot about six months ago that this was supposed to be a gift for me (I never told him I got one finally), and when I asked it he had a Wii, he said, "No, but I have a Playstation 2." No sarcasm. He honestly forgot who he'd gotten it for.
Last year's infamous Bon Jovi concert will have to wait for another post.
Which brings us to this year. He's been trying to find out a date in July (why July?) where he can get us tickets for a (dramatic pause) dinner cruise out of San Diego! I finally convinced him two days ago that there wasn't a date. I'd rather not go through this rigamarole again.
So, not even for Christmas, he tells me a couple of months ago that he bought me "my favorite movie." Turns out it's Killer Klowns from Outer Space. I've never seen Killer Klowns from Outer Space. I didn't think he had, either.
So, last Sunday, he calls to tell us he shipped a package. It's guaranteed to arrive Tuesday. He won't tell us anything else. Of course, we're going out of town on Tuesday. So I have to arrange for someone to check and make sure it's not some huge box sitting on our front porch that broadcasts that we're not home.
It doesn't show up. I call him. I figure he probably didn't send it, but don't want him losing out in case he did. This time, he tells me it's hot sauce he bought from Wal-Mart. (Why pay to ship that across the country? Tell me. Why?) He's not sure why it's not here, since he sent it UPS and it was supposed to be delivered at 12:35 on Tuesday.
So he calls back Sunday night. He'd apparently sent a lot of packages, and no one got them. Looks like he went to one of these third-party places, and they didn't actually send them for two days.
Last night, this huge box shows up. In it is a fuckload of packing material, along with four hot sauces, two nightlights, a backscratcher, an electric nail polish remover, and an opened (!!!) copy of Killer Klowns from Outer Space.
I just don't get him. What the fuck am I going to do with two extra nightlights and an electric nail polish remover?
