My apologies--please read!

[DeadEye]

Hey,
I would like to formerly apologize for any bad, rude, or negative behaviour I've done here, including the use of the Canadian spelling of "behavior" by an American. I would also like to apologize for any bad, rude, inappropriate, and any other undesirable acts including foul, rude, or foreign language I've used. This also includes fights, bullying, yelling during Barry Manilow concerts, and inserting my penis into anyone's bowl of corn flakes and ejaculating.

I'm sorry if I have made love to anybody here other than Natalie Portman. 'Cause we totally do it all the time.

Many of my past views on guns, videogames, women, multiple user IDs, etc. were unjust. I came to that realization recently and would like to apologize for that as well. Guns and videogames aren't as cool as women; they are cooler. I'm just sorry for everything bad or untrue about movies. Especially that Transformers piece of shit. I'm sorry for it, and I wasn't even involved.

I'm sorry for lies I may or may not have done as well as misleading, or manipulating any of you. I was not lying about Natalie Portman, though. Seriously. You can believe me or not, but I'm the one getting head from her every night. I'm also sorry for my appearance of evil and wrong doings such as the hooker/prostitute things. I mean, even I now realize it was a bad idea to kill her, chop her into pieces, and dump her parts across four states just because she insisted on exact change for her services.

I'm also sorry for my comments about the Zune, Apple products and anything else bad I've said about anything. Hell, I don't even know what the hell a Zune is. It sounds like some crappy Frank Herbert novel. Wait, I just called this theoretical novel crappy. I'm now sorry to Frank Herbert for calling a novel he didn't write crappy.

I ask that if you have quoted me to please either delete that post, edit it so my quote doesn't appear in it, or whatever needs to be done. (Personally, I would recommend framing them.) Especially those with fowl language. I don't like talking about ducks. They've hurt me in ways I never imagined possible.

I'm sorry if I have caused any negative spirit, energy, thoughts, etc. to you, the forums and the internet. I know the internet has some really thin skin, and I hope I didn't hurt it too badly. I'm also sorry for anything that I have done that has caused unsatisfactory things. Interpret that as you will. I'm not even quite sure what it means.

I'm just sorry for everything and didn't want to offend or hurt anybody. Except for Tycho. I don't like you. I simply ask you all for forgiveness. (Again, except for Tycho. Go fuck yourself, you toy-sniffing faggot.)

If you'll excuse me, I'm off to fire a few rounds into a deer and then fuck Natalie Portman a few times on its carcass.

Thank you,
DeadEye

Hoom!!

[kidhuman]

Dickbag.

[Twiki]

Code: Select all

That was a sincere and heartfelt apology.  I'm sure everyone here appreciates the time, thought, and effort you put into allaying past transgressions.



Oh, and go fuck yourself.

[Zero]

Dickbag.

Ditto.

[Negative Boy]

I call BULLSHIT.

Ms. Portman has fucked her Art History professor at Harvard, two T.A.s (one of them a Korean woman), George Lucas, a few Jew lawyers and advertising execs in Manhattan, a sugar-daddy real estate developer from Toronto who flies her to Hawaii twice a year and sodomizes her (she LOVES that), Ryan Seacrest, and some Surfing champ. And, of course, I stay in contact with her via Blackberry, and if we're both in New York, or LA, or Vegas or whereever, we'll hook up, score some blow and get a hooker to share. You know, the usual.

You sir, she has never seen, let alone 'given head' to nightly. You are a dickbag liar.

Again. I call BULLSHIT.