Attention All Able-Bodied Seamen

[Captain Jack Sparrow]

I am in dire need of a crew. My ship, the illustrious Black Pearl, won't sail alone. If any of you blokes feel the need to sail the open sea and become a pirate, the help would be much obliged. Any of you lads are free to come and swab my poop deck. Except for that dodgy fellow...Flornsworth, I believe his name is. He can be the cabin boy. Savvy?

[Diabolical]

Are you hitting on us?

[Double_G]

I'm not touching this one.

[Stormshadow]

I would not step foot on your tubtoy for all the Yen in Japan. Everyone knows pirates are the arch-nemeses of Ninjas. The snakes to our Mongeese. The O.J. to our Crest Tartar Control Toothpaste. You can have Orbsah Stealth Ninja though. Not only is he not a real ninja, but he LOVES to swab poop decks...or something involving poop and swabbing anyway.

[Inigo Montoya]

Do you perchance know the Dread Pirate Roberts?

[Amy]

Haha I, love the Princess bride lol

[Tycho]

Oh my gosh! I just got back from getting my hair cut by a really "cute" "girl." She has some serious issues, and tried to kill herself a few days ago (just like Owen Wilssen, my favorite actor!). I had no idea that when I got back, Captain Jack Sparrow himself would be asking for a crew!

I'd absolutely love to sign up. Ever since I bought those Zizzle Pirates of the Caribbean figures for my Star Wars dioramas, I've thought Jack Sparrow was really cool! Just something about him: I can't put my finger on it.

[Double_G]

Tycho, I don't think you'd like it onboard the ship. They don't have a movie theater, which means you can't watch Transformers for the 17th time.

[Seamus ODoyle]

Aye lad. But the lack of a proper theatre is offset by the idea of being stuck at sea with dozens of burly, sweaty, pirates. That much semen...er...seamen in one place gives Tycho a boner longer than your mizzenmast. Jaesus, Mary'n'Joseph, Oi've nae seen a fruitier buttercup in me entire life. Tycho has tossed enough salad in his life to be hired as the sous-chef at the Blue Oyster Bar & Grill, opening soon in Buttrapetown, USA.

[Tycho]

Gosh, Saemus! How did you know that I'm a world-renowned salad chef?

My famous salads you mentioned helped me have sex with thousands of girls! Thank you for mentioning my new on-the-side job as a salad chef.

I tell you, I've been so pooped lately. After writing on my six different novels - one about sex, one about black gangs, etc. - and then working at my normal job, and then working as a chef, then having sex with a girl, I'm just so tired!

Oh, and speaking of my book about the darkies, Sambo, you should definitely let me interview you! Gosh, you seem like an interesting person. For a nigger.

[Double_G]

Oh, and speaking of my book about the darkies, Sambo, you should definitely let me interview you! Gosh, you seem like an interesting person. For a nigger.

Sambo's not here anymore. He's been sold.

[Captain Jack Sparrow]

Sambo's not here anymore. He's been sold.

Oi, did he, now? Quite a shame, that. I could've used a negro or two on me ship.