The Vynsane Story...

Eternal Padawan · Post by **Eternal Padawan** » Mon Sep 01, 2003 5:19 pm

In a forum where profanity is allowed, the TRUE story of Sly Wiley can accurately be told...

Sly Wiley heard a knock at the door.

"Oh, for fuck's sake" said Sly, climbing naked and sweaty off of Alyson Hannigan, his hot fiance.

"Get you sexy, furry, Bothan wang back in me RIGHT NOW." whimpered Alyson.

"Shut yer trap, woman. I'll make you smile like a donut in just a minnit. Besides, I need a new bacon helmet..." he said snapping the fourth one of the night off his big Bothan package and flinging in in the toilet. He walked into the living room, starkers and flung open the door.

"Who is it? And make it snappy..you're interrupting me making with the fuckie fuckie..." said Sly.

"It's Bo Rucker, Sly. I need your help. I need your ship. The E. Coyote." said the smooth looking pimp at the door. Bo adjusted his jacket hanging over his shoulders, but never actaully putting his arms in the sleeves.

"At least come in here and untie me, Sly." called Alyson from the bedroom.

"SHUT UP. You'll be speaking in only vowels soon enough." said a peturbed Sly back towards the bedroom.

"I have just found out that an unholy alliance between Megatron and Rick McCallum has been forged. Rick's number one thug, the optically deceased, asshole has stolen the reality bending GNT Cluster and they are going to do EVIL with it." explained Bo.

"Damn." said Sly "Well, let me go shoot a load on Alyson's face and then I'll call my crew and have us meet at the E. Coyote." He headed back into the bedroom. Alyson was wearing a vinyl bustier and high heels (and nothing else), tied to the bedposts. She glistened with baby oil. "Something's come up baby. I need to go save the world, again."

"Dammit, Sly! Every time I'm about to come, you need to go off and save the fucking world! Can't I orgasm just once?" huffed Alyson. "Well this time I'm coming with. I'll stay in your state room and wear nothing but a hat..." she was cut off as Sly stuffed her mouth with Bothan tool. "mmmmmmmmm" she sighed.

Minutes later, Sly was strapping his caliopie playing lightsaber to his belt and adjusting his holster. " Time to call..."

Post by **vynsane** » Mon Sep 01, 2003 7:04 pm

... the only man that can help in times like these... CHRISOPHER WALKEN!"

*beep boop bop boop beep beep beep*

"you've reached... chris walken..."

"damn, i got his answering machine!"

"no... it's... ME...i always... answer my... phone like that. i can only... assume... you need my help... saving the world... again. i'll get my... BACON HELMET."

MEANWHILE, on the planet with no name, the unholy alliance plots their next move...

Eternal Padawan · Post by **Eternal Padawan** » Tue Sep 02, 2003 12:23 pm

"...you call this fuckin' shit soup?" Cobra Commander spat the Cambell's Chunky Chicken Corn Chowder all over the floor. "It taste's like fuckin' rancid otter piss..."

"Dude. You've tasted otter piss?" said Rick McCallum's evil thug, asshole. Cobra Commander kicked him in the balls with enough force to dent titanium. asshole dropped to the floor, vomiting blood.
"Say hi to Natalie for me you little fucker." laughed Cobra Commander. All the other evil villains chuckled.

"Gentlemen." said Rick McCallum "Let's get down to brass tacks. I have decided to blow up..."

anarky · Post by **anarky** » Tue Sep 02, 2003 6:19 pm

... Sly Wiley!"

"Why the fuck do you wanna blow up that shithead?" asked Dedd-I.

"'Cause he's got the fuckin' bitchin'est bacon helmet of all!"

Just outside the window, a furry little critter who smelled of wee-wee overheard everything. "Oh, shitabrickshitabrickshitabiggoddamnfuckingbrick!" he cried in superspeed. "I've gottogetoEarthorwhereverthehellSlyis!" Teek rushed away with lightning speed, shouting, "Fastasfastcanbe, they'llneverfuckin'catchme!!"

Eternal Padawan · Post by **Eternal Padawan** » Wed Sep 03, 2003 8:31 am

Meanwhile....

"Chris Walken. Bo Rucker. Bo Rucker. Chris Walken." said Sly introducing the two men.

"I LOVED...you in...that one thing...you DID...with PACINO." said Chris Walken.

"Thanks man! I loved when you did that craazy video and you was doancing on the walls and shit. WHOOOOOOOO! That shit was fucked up!"

"Sly" said Chris Walken "are you gonna put some pants on or what? That thing is distracting."

"There's no fucking time!" said Sly "Fucker."

"Fuck you say that for, shithead?" asked Chris.

"Goddman fucking hell! Shitballs!" added Bo.

Grimace leaned in the window "Fucking cocksucking ball licking anal fuckity fuck fuckers." he added.

anarky · Post by **anarky** » Wed Sep 03, 2003 12:07 pm

"What the fuck fuck fuck is fucking going on?" asked Sly. "We're goddamn cussing way too fuckin' much!!"

"I's fuckin' obvious, foo-shithead!" said Mr T. "Some fuckin' foo blowed up a goddamn profanity bomb!"

"Oh shit. . . " said Sly [you guessed it!] trailing off in despair.

Eternal Padawan · Post by **Eternal Padawan** » Wed Sep 03, 2003 12:22 pm

"Sly," called Alyson from the bedroom, "I need you to come in here and spank me..."

"Fuck you, cuntrag!" yelled Sly.

"What? What was that for?" Alyson pouted back.

"Apparently, the fucking profanity bomb was goddman localized to this shitty room, Sly, you fucker." noted Bo.

"So if we fucking leave, we'll stop cussing like fucking goddamn fucked sailors and shit?" asked Sly.

"i fucking believe so, dickmouth." said Bo.

"Well let's get the fucking hell out of this fucksty. Shit. Fuck." said Sly

Everyone headed out the front door....

Eternal Padawan · Post by **Eternal Padawan** » Wed Sep 03, 2003 12:26 pm

...a passing women screamed.

'Sly... you forgot to... put pants on. Nobody has seen a... 12 inch Bothan Cock before." said Chris Walken

"Fuck you." said Sly.

"Oh no, leaving didn't work, we're still affected by the profanity bomb." said Grimace

"No, I just talk like that. Especially when Chris Walken thinks I should put pants on..." retorted Sly.

anarky · Post by **anarky** » Wed Sep 03, 2003 2:08 pm

"A-wooga!!" said Grimace.

"What are you acting like a retard for? WOO!" asked Bo.

"Look at them Hootie McBoobs!" said Grimace, pointing at. . .

Post by **vynsane** » Wed Sep 03, 2003 2:45 pm

... alyson hannigan, who had somehow untied herself with her super long velvety tongue.

"okay, if you're going off to save the universe again, i'm coming with you, and i'm not wearing underwear the entire time!" she yelled.

"that's... cool with... ME." retorted walken.

"ohmygodohmygodohmygod..." drooled the grimace.

"bitchin'!" yelled bo rucker.

"not on your LIFE, woman! get back on that bed, tie yourself back up, and stay there til the universe is saved, hotcakes!" demanded sly.

meanwhile, halfway across the galaxy, teek was making his way to our "heroes"...

Eternal Padawan · Post by **Eternal Padawan** » Wed Sep 03, 2003 6:57 pm

"heybuddycanIbumaridetoholyshitIdontevenknowwhatplanetSlyliveson..." said Teek to the spaceman that was nice enough to pull over when Teek stuck his thumb out.

"Sure enough creepy little dude." said Mo Henry, the interstellar agent/negative film cutter/blues musician/cameo assassin. "Just move those drums and oboes and guitars out of the back seeat and hop on in."

"Sowhat'sacameoassassindo?" asked Teek reading the line above.

"You know how famous people show up in Sly Wiley stories all the time?" asked Mo Henry "My job is to hunt them down and KILL them..."

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck...." said Teek.

MEANWHILE, Admiral Ackbar sat in his opulent office surrounded by Natalie Portman clones he'd won in an eBay auction.

"Who wants a wet fish lip ride?" asked Ackbar.

"I do I do" all the clones giggled, then all stripped down to their little skimpy thong undies and climbed in his Olympic sized jacuzzi.

MEEP MEEP sounded the red emergency alert communicator. "Dammit..." said Ackbar "This can mean only one thing...."

Post by **vynsane** » Wed Sep 03, 2003 7:52 pm

... someone has done the impossible and released the evil we have tried to keep contained all this time! the sloth ninja, from whom an army of sloth ninjas who devour genitalia like nobody's business will spring forth and take over the entire galaxy! ah, fuck it, look at all these hot natalie portman clones!"

meanwhile, back on bacon planet...

Eternal Padawan · Post by **Eternal Padawan** » Wed Sep 03, 2003 8:05 pm

Sly and everybody jumped up into Optimus Prime's cab. "The rest of the crew should meet us at the E Coyote" said Sly.

"I don't think we're all gonna fit in Optimus' cab." said Bo Rucker. "WHOOOOO."

"I brought lube!" said Alyson brightly, pulling out a tube of jelly. "Who wants to grease me down?"

A chorus of I do's filled the air.

"Enough!" yelped Sly "Lawrence and Grimace in the cab like always. The rest of us can go in the trailer with Roller."

"You look damn goofy wearing that belt and no pants and two lightsabers" said Mr. T.

"I only have one lightsaber..." said Sly.

anarky · Post by **anarky** » Fri Sep 05, 2003 12:22 pm

Meanwhile, as Mo Henry and Teek sped across the universe, they found themselves suddenly blocked a bespectacled man wearing a suit and carrying a microphone.

"HeyIknowhimfromComedyCentral. Sincehe'sacelebritycameo, maybeyoushouldkillhim."

"Not so fast, little otter-fella," said the man in a deadpan voice, sticking his head into Mo Henry's rolled-down window. "Mr Henry here swore an oath of allegiance to the Mo Corps, and as such he can never harm another Mo!"

"Mo Rocca," said Mo Henry. "I should've known."

"Mo Henry, Keb Mo has been kidnapped. We need to meet Moe the Stooge and Morris the Cat at Moe's Tavern to plan a daring rescue."

"ButwhataboutSlyWileyandtheimpendingexplosion?" asked Teek.

"No time, little buddy," said Mo Henry. "Mo Rocca, get your ass in the car and let's go!"

Meanwhile, on the bacon planet. . . .

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" said the Joker.

"Shut, shut the fudge up," said Professor Chaos. "You've got to tell us about the, uh, bacon helmet."

"What?" shouted Cobra Commander. "We have bacon helmets of our own?"

"No, hee hee," said the Joker. "But we kidnapped blues singer Keb Mo and forced him to make Beggin' Strips helmets! Watch, you can't tell the difference."

Joker held up a helmet in front of an annoying cartoon dog, who immediately cried, "It's BACON!!!"

Eternal Padawan · Post by **Eternal Padawan** » Mon Sep 08, 2003 3:19 pm

"Ahhh fuck this." said Rick McCallum "I don't feel like fucking with Sly anymore. It's boring. It's passe."

"Agreed." said Cobra Commander "besides I have a hot date tonight. Scarlett is fighting with Snakes and she needs me to 'comfort' her...she likes to wear the CC hood and nothing else."

"And I need to rearrange my album collection from chronological to color separated" said Megatron.

"So that's it then. We alll decide NOT to destroy Sly?" asked Rick

"Agreed." said the others. Except asshole. This can't be he thought. Well I still have the GNT cluster. I shall simply do this myself...

"So who wants to call the furry fucker and give him the good news?" asked Cobra COmmander.