the vynsane asylum

How fucking awesome are these books? Obviously, the inspiration for Roland in Steven King's mind was Eastwood's the Man with No Name from Sergio Leone's classic trilogy. And also obviously, Clint is too fucking old to don "the guns of his father". So who do you see in the main roles? I was gonna start with book one, but fuck it, you can pick any person from any book.

Dark Tower I: The Gunslinger

Roland
Walter, the man in black
Jake
Allie, the whore of Tull
The homesteader
various denizens of Tull what get blown away.


And in flashback
Young Roland, Alain, Cuthbert, etc
Cort
Marten
Roland's mother

I always thought this would work best as an extended animated limited series from HBO, sort of similar to what they did for Spawn back in the day. Two seasons, with each season being 13 hour-long episodes, dividing up the seven books, with "The Little Sisters of Eleutheria" being a sort of half-hour pilot and Eyes of the Dragon being a two-hour movie in between seasons.

The special effects budget on this would totally bankrupt most studios. That's why I thought animation. As for TV, well, it needs more time, though a seven-movie arc is no longer out of the question now that they've done (technically, are doing) it for Harry Potter.

I could see Thomas Jane as Roland. I know he played in the Gun videogame, which is also a gunslinger (though a real-world one), but fuck it, there aren't too many uber-badass guys like that who come to mind.

Eastwood could play Roland's trainer in flashbacks, perhaps, or another Gunslinger in flashback sequences.

Stephen King is a shoo-in for the role of old Stephen King, though no way in hell he could pull off young Stephen King.

A few years ago, I would've said Haley Joel Osment as Jake, but he's way too old now.

Beyonce should not be Detta/Odetta/Susannah under any circumstances whatsoever. We need a real actress for that role.

Eddie... I'm having trouble with him. Too many options.

Oy would obviously be CG, and Ben Burtt should create the voice.

Blaine... We'd need a distinctive, really fucking obnoxious voice. I'm leaning toward (and I know they're all weird choices) John Lithgow, the dude who played Max Headroom, or the dude who played Gob on Arrested Development.

The Man in Black (with all his bazillion aliases)... I'd say Joaquin Phoenix (and not because he played the real life Man in Black so well) if he were about 15-20 years older. He has the look, but definitely isn't old enough.

I'm going to have to give some more thought to a lot of the main characters, especially Eddie, The Man in Black, Susannah, Callaghan, and the Crimson King.

For Roland I was fanboy wanking about Russell Crowe. He'd be just dick enough in the beginning, and then warm up as the franchise slid along.

Gabriel Byrne would make a good Walter. Or Jeff Goldblum if you got rid of all his Goldblum-isms and tics. I dunno, think of some tall, creepy guys.

Jake. I have no clue, but there are tons of young kids just waiting to be discovered. Just not Jake Lloyd.

I think John Malkovich is fucking creepy enough to be someone. I don't think he's Walter, though.

Gabriel Byrne sounds like a damned good choice for him, though.

And Jake Lloyd, though I wouldn't want to see it, is probably more of the right age to play Eddie than Jake right now.

Neil Patrick Harris as Eddie Dean.

Candyse McClure as Susannah Dean/Odetta/Detta. Shes on Battlestar Galactica.

NPH was a strong Eddie contender in my book, too. I just didn't want to commit yet.

Ray Winstone from King Aurthur is my only choice for Cort. He's the one on the horse in the middle.

And if Russell plays Roland, Benjamin McKenzie from the O.C. would make a good young Roland.

Clint Eastwood would be good in a cameo as Steven Deschaine. Imagine his mug with a big handlebar mustache.

So its looking like Javier Bardem is circling closer and closer to the role.

Thoughts on that?

Thoughts on them doing the TV Series/Film Trilogy set up?

Thoughts on Ron Howard directing the entire thing?

Idris Elba anyone?

That came way the fuck out of left field and made me say, "Huh. I wouldn't have thought of it, but FUCKING AWESOME!!"

Well, casting has begun in earnest so they might actually be making this thing.

However, they seem to be making a trilogy of films out of what, 7 or 8 books. This is the same Hollywood that needlessly splits Young Adult Novels in half to get more box office out of them, but they're gonna carve up the Dark Tower books and leave a ton of story out to squeeze it into three films?

But the unforgivable thing is they're starting the story 'in media res' instead of at the beginning of The Gunslinger. Are you fucking kidding me?
"The Man in Black fled across the desert. And the Gunslinger followed."

and you're not even going to open the fucking movie on the man in black fleeing across the desert. Or the Gunslinger chasing him??! Fuck right the fuck off, cockhammers. Fail.

Idris Elba as Roland is a spectacularly unexpected choice.

Matthew McConaughey as Flagg, not so much. I guess he's going to just try to irritate the ka-tet to death?

So I read that in the film version, Roland starts out with the Horn of Eld with him.
Which subtly makes the movie(s) a sequel to the novels. Which is kinda cool and I can totally get behind. It also makes changes from the novel more bearable since it's the next cycle.

Well played, filmmakers. Well played.