the vynsane asylum

Throw out a hypothetical question, then someone answers it, and moves on to the next.

First, if Peter Jackson called you up and said, "Hey, all this fuss about the Hobbit? It's bullshit. The film's in the bag, and we're just waiting to get the legal shit in order to tell anyone. It's totally complete, but there's a good chance it will never see the light of day, because New Line is being a bunch of bastards. I'll let you watch it, but you have to blow me first," would you take him up on his offer?

Fat PJ, or lost weight PJ?

Either way it is no.



Ok, Bea Arthur has 82 million dollars left to you in a will. She hasnt signed off on it yet. In order to get it you have to eat her out on LIVE TV, New Years Eve, while Dick Clark and Regis Philbin are taking turns ransacking your anus. Do it or no?

I'll take a third and just eat her out on TV.

Hasbro is willing to make a Yarna D'al Gargan figure, but only if you have to fuck a fat Yarna lookalike bitch, warts and all. Yes or no?

Do I get a share of the profits when every idiot fanboy flocks to the store to be the first on the block to get the Yarna figure? If so, then, I'll take one for the team. If not, I'll just have an empty spot in my display.

JK Rowling has allowed you to be the first person to read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, a full year before anyone else. However, you have to have sex with her every night for two weeks, and she has promised to snowball you at least twice. You also, at the end of the two weeks, have to shove a vibrator in your ass and have sex with the actress who plays McGonagal (I forget her name), then legally change your name to Nancy McHottits.

You in?

No Nancy here, anticipation is as much of the pleasure as the pleasure itself.

Four whole posts before someone breaks the rules. That has to be a new record.

Emma Watson has said that you are going to be her first sexual encounter, but she wants you wait for her to turn 18 (or 17) so you have to pour mollasses on your johnson and turn an anthill of fire ants loose on it. By the time it heals, you'll be good to go. As an added bonus she said she'll bring a hot friend. Do you go through the agony for bragging rights?

No I wouldnt


Ok, in order to get a tag team shot at the Olsen Twins, you would have to do her .Are you down for it?

I'd do her and skip the Olsens.

The Beatles could be brought back to life and rejoined, but only if you ate out present-day Yoko Ono and sold the video online. Yes or no?

Absolutely not. Better to live with the memories of times gone by than to even be in the room with The Antichrist. Much less perform cunilingus on the swine.

Carson Kressley from Queer Eye (the super-flaming blonde guy) has a proposition for you. You have to accompany him to social events once every two weeks for one year and pretend to be his boyfriend and totally devoted to him. The news outlets will all report you're an item, and everyone you know will be informed of this. However, you do not have to actually do anything with him (aside from maybe holding hands and letting him give you a peck on the cheek occasionally when the cameras are looking). In exchange for this, he will give you $5000 (and, of course, you get to be in the crowd at such events as the Oscars and Grammys and so forth).

Would you do it?

5 grand aint worth the headaches.



You get a front row seat to Saddams death. Your payment for it is to give him a blumpkin beforehand, yes or no?

Nope, I WOULD like to sit down with the dude and have a few beers tho, he seems like a VERY interesting dude to say the least



YOU can get control of Hasbros Star Wars license, and they will make EVERYTHING you suggest for 5 years no matter how well it sells, giving you as many free copies of everything produced...
The catch- ALL previous SW figures will cease to exist (molds included, your collection included) and you are NOT allowed any carded figs, you must open everything with a dull pair of scissors. Well??? :mabs

Wait, that's confusing, is it JUST my collection that dissappears? or everybody's everywhere so everything is pretty much back to square one?

Because if it was just me and mine, i would totally take one for the team and get you guys all the figures and ships you've been pining for for the last ten years. Otherwise, no.


You have to go on all the talk shows ( Letterman, Leno, Today Show, Oprah, etc) and give candid interviews completely butt naked for a month. Afterwards, you get Kate Beckinsale, Jennifer Connolly, a lot of baby oil, a week in a bungalow in Hawaii, and a digital camera. yes or no?

I could to that one, because I'd simply make them make everything they've made up until now again - and in the first 2 weeks - and they'd have to hand deliver all my old shit to me and all my friends old shit to them. And then I'd have them make a Yarna, complete with removable adult diaper (with shit stain), and just a hint of nipple peeking though one of the folds of her soft goods outfit.

You get to be trained as a REAL ninja (disappearing smoke bombs, climbing claws, you name it).... IF you're willing to take a year away from work and family, and will only get one 3 day meeting with them on one weekend of your choosing over that period of time... during which you will be allowed no physical contact with any of them. Are you on the plane to Okinawa or not?

Since I'm already away from my kids, I would not hesitate to jump on a plane and be a ninja.