President Bush declared a Federal State of Emergency in Florida, Georgia, and South Carolina, following a rampage by a giant, apparently nymphomaniac robot.
The lime green robot, who calls himself Devastator, had sexually assaulted more than 10,000 men and women in the three states (and had consensual sex with at least ten million more, by some reports), and was last seen heading into the southeastern corner of North Carolina. The military has been unable to stop the creature, who has repeatedly stated that he's going to "give some giant metal goodness" to two unknown people that he called "Kid Human" and "Vincent." Authorities were attempting to identify these two and contact them to warn them of the impending danger to their asses.
"As best as we can determine, this giant robot was formed by four physically normal men," said Dr Hugh Jass of the UCLA School of Cybertronics. "We've not yet been able to ascertain why these four somehow formed a twelve-storey green robot that looks like the combination of six construction vehicles. Nor have we even tried yet to figure out why it's so intent on rap--sorry, abusing so many people. Needless to say, the effects of a twelve-foot metal schlong pounding on any human orifice is quite brutal."
Police are encouraging anyone with any information to contact them if they have any information. Devastator is described by witnesses as "fucking huge" and a "totally gay" shade of lime green.
In addition to Kid Human and Vincent, Devastator has also specifically mentioned by name Ann Erkey, Eternal Pattie One, Jay Jarzon, and Captain Solon 38. These people are advised to lock their doors, and not answer the doorbell if they see a giant green robot on the porch.
Devastator is described as being 12 storeys, or about 216 feet.
The average human male is, let's say, about six feet. This means Devastator is 36 times larger than a person.
Devastator's rod is described as twelve feet. Assuming it's in the same scale, 36 times the size of a man, this means his dong is the equivalent of about four inches.
We can probably assume based on the context of Dr Jass's statement that this is the size at full raging erection.
In other words, if Devastator were built to the same proportions, but was the size of a man, he'd have a four-inch dick at full erection. Meaning he's hung like a pimple.
Burn, Bitchicon.
*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!
Is it me, or is Newsbot's title for this topic too...excited? Like millions of people ass-tacked by a giant purple ( purple = gay) and green robotic monstrosity! Hurrah!
"Say Jim! WHOOOO! That is a bad outFIT! Whooo!"--Pimp, Superman The Movie "You're an idiot, Starscream." --Megatron,Transformers: The Movie
UPDATE: Police found the body of one JediKnightRider3000 under a pile of rubble in North Carolina, making him the first confirmed casualty of Devastator's rampage.
When questioned about the nature of the death, authorities confirmed he was only "comic book dead," meaning he can potentially return at any time.
UPDATE: Police found the body of one JediKnightRider3000 under a pile of rubble in North Carolina, making him the first confirmed casualty of Devastator's rampage.
When questioned about the nature of the death, authorities confirmed he was only "comic book dead," meaning he can potentially return at any time.
Well, I won't get into the whole Dan Rather/ Terminator thing again. But aside from that, nobody would ever believe that someone would name their child JediKnightRider3000. First of all, there are no spaces between any of the names. Secondly, noone's last name is a number. Thirdly, everyone knows comic books aren't realistic at all, so the term "comic book dead" is ultimately an impossible scenario since comic book character's aren't really living to begin with. Fourthly, the Idea of "Devastator" is completely unrealistic. Whether it's four men standing on each other's shoulders or six constuction vehicles, it would never be able to amass the size reflected in the faux-Rather's impossible story. I can't believe any of you would fall for something so stupid and idiotic. You are just dumb.
Negative Boy, I bet you didn't get any dates in high school, and you still don't. But you can sure name every Transformer from every TV show, even that horrendous "Robots in Disguise" Junkion-shit, while you tug your own ripcord every night.
Have a nice day, fleshling worm.
The rest of you stupid fleshlings: I warned you about killing Grimlock when Devastator's on the loose. Say goodbye to your assholes, digidillweeds.
UPDATE!
Transformers Classics Devastator has been found at Wal-Mart!
This version of Devastator is short one robot, and two of the robots appear to be the same retarded sculpt.
More details as they emerge.
Yeah, I'd think The Grin and Bizarro the Grin would be the two with the same sculpts. However, I think the purple one is Bizarro. The Grin would be the one in the upper right.
Not sure which of the others are the Grip and his Bizarro. Or who that fifth guy is. Maybe that Pirates-hating SOB Senor JabbaJohnL?
*--For behavior unbecoming anyone, perpetrated in real time over an extended--AH, FUCK IT! MORE MALIBU, BITCHES!!
Actually, there's TWO PAIRS of identical twins in there, the one just has a goofy claw on his back like the ones on the Grin/Grip combo, they pretty much suck ass eh, wow
I'd have to think that the ones with claws are the Grips, for obvious pun-related reasons. The Grin is on the bottom right, with the one in the Bizarro colors being his Bizarro counterpart.
The one on top? Why, it's Slicker's mom, of course.
