the vynsane asylum

Okay then, shitbag, throw out a new question.

There are FIVE absolutely stunning young girls who are thirteen years old. If you can go five years with no sex of any kind, ( even self gratification) when these girls come of age, they will take care of you for the rest of your life. They will go to college and get great jobs, just to be able to dote on you and have amazing olympic level sex in any combination of you + them you can think of..for as long as you want.

Could you go cold turkey for that long?

Born Again, Bitch.

So, is EP's question still open, or does Snigtad's answer count?

i say no. Snigtad's response is stricken from the record.

Assuming I'm not already married or anything (since this is the hypothetical question thread), then yes.

You can bang any female member of the X-Men. However, Professor X is going to be a real asshole. The entire time you're with her, he'll keep transmitting images of the male X-Men dancing naked and singing "It's Raining Men." And, when you're done, he'll make her think you were a lousy fuck and have a small penis.

You gonna do it?

Shit no. It wouldn't be worth it. I want my first time with Kitty Pryde to be perfect. And that ain't "hypothetical" with Prof. X. Douchebag really would do that.




Hayden Pannatiere offers her virginity to you, on the condition the deflowering happens live on the jumbrotron screen in Times Square, and is perpetually shown and critiqued on youtube forever after that. Is it go time?

Yes. But only if she's wearing the cheerleader costume... at first.

You can be a member of the GIJoe team for sixteen hours each day. You get trained by Snake Eyes to be a badass ninja, and get to hang out with anyone on the team you want for any purpose (drinking with Shipwreck and Spirit, going cow tipping with Flint, whatever). And, every night, one or more of the chicks (Scarlett, Cover Girl, Jinx, Lady Jaye, and Daina) will come in and secretly fuck your brains out without their respective guys ever finding out.

Oh, and you don't have to go to war or risk your life or anything. If Destro decides to attack the Pit, you'll be on leave.

Here's the kicker: any and all "sleep time" counts in your sixteen hours, so you have eight full hours of "non-Joe" time. During this eight hours, you will be tied to a chair, forced to listen to Dr Phil, and Raptor will come in, wearing a g-string and his stupid falcon cape, and dance erotically for you. And, since this is a total hypothetical question, you can't turn your gaze away. Oh, and you have to take a monster dump during the entire eight hours but can't get up.

Been there, done that. Not going to do it again. Except I didn't have to poop, just pee really really bad to the point where it hurt.

You can become a super hero with whatever power you want. You will have to fight crime on a daily basis and do all of those other superhero things, including muti-dimensional and multi-universe travel. But, you will die the day after you turn 55. Are you game?

I think I could ignore Dr. Phil, and I'm pretty sure I could endure Raptor as long as he was covered in a g-string, so the only real trade-off is being stuck ina chair for 8 hours with nothing to do, and crapping myself everyday. I do believe i would take those drawbacks if it meant Arishikage training AND hot Scarlett/Jinx/Lady Jaye/Cover Girl action every night. Especially if Jinx turned out to be Reon under that costume.




You are charged with fucking every women in the United States, age 16-65. You will get $10,000 for each one you finish with. But the kicker is you have to start with whichever woman you find the most UNATTRACTIVE and work your way towards the hottest. So theoretically, you start with Hillary Clinton and Rosie O'Donell, then fuck a bunch of mediocre chicks and after years, you get to Hayden and Veronica Mars, etc. Do you take the front end punishment to get to the good stuff? You can take as long as you want with each woman( 3 minutes, 6 hours, all weekend, whatever), but you have to reach climax in order for it to count and to receive the ten grand.

For that kind of payoff (both the money and the five-star poon), yes.

Last of the "stupid cartoon-based hypotheticals" (for now):

You get to meet the Autobots, and live with them in a mansion built within Metroplex, with every material possession you could ever need. You can totally chill out with them all, and Wheelie will be your personal butler and chef. (He will, unfortunately, talk in his normal goofy-ass rhyming fashion.)

Unfortunately, the day after you meet the Autobots, Daniel Witwicky will accuse you of child molestation. You will have to stand trial for a full year. Though you will be exonerated of all charges, every human (but two) in the world will believe you did it and somehow got off. And a few of the Autobots will look at you funny.

The humans who will believe you aren't a pedophile will be Verity Carlo (from the new IDW series) and Josie Beller (Circuit Breaker). They will live with you and run around in their underwear and make out a lot, but you only get sex with one of them once a day. (And keep in mind that, with Josie, she can only give head unless you're into fucking parapalegics, since her Circuit Breaker costume covers her goodies.)

Yeah, I would do it.

Okay, hypothetical question. You are allowed to fuck any woman of your choice on every day for the rest of your life (celebrity, hot chick you met in real life, whatever). One day you get Jessica Alba, another day Hayden Panettiere, etc. The catch is that every day you have to drink a glass of your own semen. Would you do it?

Wow. How big is the glass? I think if you could get over the psychological barrier of doing it once, you'd be able to do it over and over. But that first time....wow. I guess you could convince yourself it was your own bodily fluids. That's a tough call. How big is the glass?




Okay, you get to fuck the hottie of your choice whenever and whereever you want. But before, you have to have your penis surgically, professionally removed and go about your daily routine for 90 days. Then it gets reattached, and after you recover, you get your fuckee on. Do you get your wee wee chopped?

Stupid question, but do you get to somehow pee during those 90 days? Or does the urine build up and fuck your kidneys?