the vynsane asylum

Shortly after I made that last post, I came across an ad in a magazine (I was looking for press releases on the company I work for, so they can be scanned and preserved for posterity and never, ever looked at again). It was for a company called Assmann Pumps. I said, "Man, that's an unfortunate company name there."

She proceeded to tell me that a friend of hers in LA had gotten that as a custom license plate by mistake from the DMV, and pretended he was a proctologist. This despite knowing that I'm a Seinfeld fan.

"Yeah, I saw that episode. Good one."

"What are you talking about? This was a friend of mine. If you want to see the pictures, I'll bring them in."

When I realized she wasn't joking (just lying), I said it was okay. I have a feeling her "photos" would be pics of Michael Richards taken off the internet anyway.

In retrospect, I should've said, "Yeah, that sounds funny. Bring 'em in."

fuck that's great... all i got is a chick that waits to the last hour of the day to give me assignments...

Run to the stores now! Snigtad' mother just informed me that the original Star Wars (from 1978) comes out on DVD today! It's totally restored, with new scenes and all sorts of cool stuff.

She remembers fondly when it came out. She was either 19 or 26. I swear to God I am not making this shit up.

I knew that SW had to be dragged into this shit at some point.

Snigtad Flornbi wrote:That is not my dad or my mam, my dad is a badassmofo + my mom werks on the docks doin some kind of job 4 the sailers.

Yeah, your mom works with the sailors down by the docks, alright. Unfortunately, she spends all the money she makes in the emergency room getting all the semen pumped out of her stomach.

Since your dad, has a stronger stomach, he keeps his money. That's what you guys live on. Too bad he has to unwind at the end of the night by making you and your sister spoon feed each other's shit to the other one. Then jacking off in your hair. Oh wait , he does that because you beg him to. You little anus burp. Just die already.

I think I inadvertently killed the world's biggest goose that lays the golden eggs that the creator of South Park will buy.

She'd been complaining for some time that her computer would be turned on in the morning, or things would be moved around. Now, we use XP here, and no one can log on without leaving a record (chiefly being the other username on the sign-in window). So, in other words, no one was using the computer. I think she was choosing "Log Off" instead of "Shut Down." I think I've already established her intelligence level here.

So last Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday evenings, as she left (she leaves about an hour before I do), she made a point to say, "Now, you're my witness. The computer is off." On Thursday evening, as I got ready to leave, I decided on a whim to have some fun, so I leaned over and tapped the power button on her computer.

So I came in Friday morning, and she was panicked. She was convinced that our boss was spying on her. (The parent company requires "compliance training" and one of the things they stress is that computer use at work is not private. However, there's no way our boss knows enough to sign on anonymously and leave no trace. I mean, she has to ask me to lookup records in Excel, so we're not talking a computer wiz here.)

So she calls IT, and then calms down. Shortly after I posted the bit about the SW DVD above, both guys from IT come over. Ms Flornbi is convinced someone's spying on her, despite their pulling up all the logs and showing her that no one else has used the computer since September, when Adobe CS2 was installed.

But in searching the logs, they find a lot of suspicious activity that leads to the discovery of buttloads of spyware. I don't know if I've mentioned before, but she goofs off online all the time. (And she'll boldface tell you she doesn't even as there's an online game filling the entire screen behind her.)

(Yeah, I goof off online, too, but I'm smart enough to turn off images and use the smallest IE window I can see. Because I know that IT is too shortstaffed and has better things to do, and can't monitor usage unless there's a specific reason, and even then only if it's a major problem to productivity. And, despite the parent company saying it can all be monitored, I know that they're nothing more than a holding company (despite a strict company policy that they're not to be referred to as such ), and our internet connection here is through a local ISP. Also, not to brag, but even with all the shit I do online, I'm still more than twice as fast as anyone else who's held this position. And as long as I'm getting my work done, my boss doesn't even look at my computer when I'm using it. She'd have a shitfit if she did and saw me online, but her desk is far enough away she can sneak up on me.)

So IT removes the spyware. ("This one was loaded at 9:36 this morning." "How can that be? I haven't done anything online!") And the guy tells her to be more careful, especially with using webmail from her home ISP.

She, combining this with a too-strict interpretation of the compliance training, interprets this as "there is to be absolutely no personal use of internet, e-mail, or any other program, whatsoever." So she not only stops using the internet and sending non-business e-mails, she takes the wallpaper of her dog (if it is hers--she is a pathological liar, y'know) off the computer. And, absolutely convinced that the boss is spying on her, she has totally stopped all non-business verbal communication.

I'd say she's just a wee bit paranoid. They're far too short-staffed in this department. And, I'm giving notice this afternoon or tomorrow morning. Ain't no way in hell they'll get rid of her when they're down to one person and have lost their most efficient worker.

That is sad and funny. I waste so much time on the computer at work and noone says shit as long as works getting accomplished. I wish I could get on other peoples computers and fuck around with them. So why are you giving notice? Better job waiting?

Combination of a need for childcare when the cost (combined with gas to and from work) would be more than I make, micromanagement, lack of possible upward mobility, lack of a challenge, and freeing up time to finally publish my own comics like I've been wanting to do for 15 years and never had a chance to do.

Oh, and I'm not ashamed to admit: my wife makes more than I do. About 2.5 times as much. And she has total job security, a guaranteed raise each year, and summers off. We figured it out and, even if things don't work out, we can survive on just her income for quite some time, though it may mean cutting back on the number of little plastic men I buy.

Well, I'm not putting in notice today, because I reconsidered and decided that I truly love my job.

Kidding on the second part. My wife and I discussed it, and decided to delay a couple of weeks for a few reasons:

1) The place is closed from 12/25 - 1/1. Three or four of those days are paid holidays. If I leave on 12/22 as planned, I'll lose those days.

2) On 12/22, they have a party and give us our "Christmas bonus." Usually a $50 WM or Target gift card. No biggie, but it is several SW figures. They also give away a lot of prizes.

3) If I give notice immediately upon coming back, and they tell me to just pack my shit and go (a possibility, because, even though I'm "rank and file," I'm privy to a good deal of confidential stuff), I've already got the days I originally planned to work, plus the holidays.

So, basically, by sticking around for nine more work days (which will be hella busy since they close for a week, and so I likely won't even have to look at my boss much during that time), I get paid for three more weeks. That's, like, a whole mortgage payment.

yeah, that sounds like good reasoning. get as much as you can before you get out.

sounds a lot like what the missus and i have been going over - basically if she goes back to work and we have to pay for daycare, she ends up making $400 a month for the opportunity to pay someone else to raise our kid. we racked up quite a bit of debt in NC, but since we've been back in NY we haven't really been using the credit cards at all, and we're on track to clear out that debt in a couple of months. it's gonna be tight until those months are up, but it should be pretty smooth once all that debt's off our backs, so she's not going to go back to work. she's going to do some baby craft stuff on ebay (apparently baby stuff on ebay is a goldmine...) so she'll still be bringing in some money, but we'll be able to not need daycare, which is huge in this day and age...

Apparently, the well is not so dry as I thought.

First, she love Monty Python & The Holy Grail. Her favorite scene is the woman washing dishes and popping out babies while her husband builds a boat. I do not recall such a scene. But she does not recall any crazy French people in a castle.

Second, she hopes that Hillary Clinton is not elected as our next president. Because the Bible says that an evil woman whose husband was president will become president just before the end of the world. I didn't realize Revelation got so specific.

If I have my Monty Python movies straight, there is a part in The Meaning of Life has dozens of kids. During the scene, they sing "Every Sperm is Sacred." But, I don't recall anything about a boat.

You are right. Confusing Meaning of Life and Holy Grail, though, that's tantamount to blasphemy.

It makes baby Jesus cry.

anarky wrote:Second, she hopes that Hillary Clinton is not elected as our next president. Because the Bible says that an evil woman whose husband was president will become president just before the end of the world. I didn't realize Revelation got so specific.

actually, it even says that she would be implicated in a real estate scandal while her husband was in office, but would get just a slap on the wrist. also that her husband would get a sloppy cigar-smoking hummer.