the vynsane asylum

By "chew in my sack" do you mean literally chewing it like it's gonna eat it, or lovingly nibbling? If it's the eating portion then hell no but if he's gonna nibble then why not...




2 envelopes. One is a piece of paper with a dollar amount between $20 million and $1 billion. The other has a limb of your choice being lopped off written down. Do you do it?

Does a small toe count as a "limb" or does it have to one of the "big four"? Because with my luck, I'd draw the limb one.


You're completely in love with the most wondeful woman in the world. She's perfect in every way imaginable. You might, at some point in the future win her undying affection. But you have to remain chaste and loyal to her for an unspecified amount of time. Could be a week, could be years. Or you can take a chance on a girl you've never met who swears undying, unyielding affection. Which do you choose?

That's a toughie. I guess I'd go with the second, since there are a lot of "mights" in that first.

You can have unbelievably hot sex with Portia de Rossi.

The only condition: the entire time, her girlfriend will be standing in front of you, naked, eagerly waiting her turn and repeatedly telling you how she can't wait. And you do have to give her equal fuck time. And she will be as bad as you think, and she will keep talking the whole time.

If you don't know who her girlfriend is, look it up.

Ellen, you mean? Yeah, sure, why not.

Hmm . . . for every one of the American Idol girls that you bang (past or present), you have to let Ryan Seacrest slam your ass. Just remember, this includes Kelly Clarkson. Yes or no?

Just a minor point of clarification:

Does this include Paula?

And, if so, by "past or present," do you mean this could be Paula circa 1990, when she actually was rather hot?

Good Christ, it doesn't matter 'nark' ol bean. A 1 to 1 ratio of butt pirating to pooner diving is an unnacceptable trade off.

Unless you're try-sexual, that is.












(That's someone who'll try anything, it's an old Cheech and Chong joke.)

Dammit, I was going to wait for JJL to respond before saying it didn't matter.

If the question was ONE (1) ass session with Seacrest in trade for unlimited AI poon, that's a different story.

Well, since we're clarifying anyway, the exact wording was "for every one of the American Idol girls that you bang (past or present), you have to let Ryan Seacrest slam your ass."

Define slam.

Does this mean that he only buttfucks you once, but each chick you bang is one thrust?

There is also the assumption that Ryan Seacrest has a weiner.

Hmm . . . I'll revamp it a bit so that for every five girls you bang, Ryan fucks you in the ass until he cums (could be a minute, could be an hour).

And, yeah, I guess, they could appear at any age you want, and Paula is included.

Yes or no?

Either way the answer is no.


You have the chance to get the one thing in life you desire most(car, woman, amount of money, whatever) but to get it you have to sit tied to a chair for one week straight with no sleep while The Macerena plays over and over while George Lucas and Rick McCallum give you lap dances. Down or not?

I can imagine a lot of cash, and I've gone a week with only a few hours sleep. As long as everyone is clothed, I can tough it out for a week. But the deal is off if I have to see Rick's or Lucas' hairy balls in my grill for 7 days.


You can have sex with any woman (or women) you want, but for every zesty session you have with her (them), Peter North & Ron Jeremy will have a 3-way with your wife/girlfriend. If you don't have either, then your mother or sister can stand in.

What do you do?

That sounds like a bonus situation for my sister too. Of course I'm in.