Speed Racer: The Movie

[anarky]

Interesting that Racer X and Rex are played by different people. Either he's much younger in the flashback scenes, or maybe they decided that he got plastic surgery to make it less painfully obvious?

IDW is reprinting the old Now Comics series from the 1980s (and, IIRC, the Wildstorm one from the 1990s). Yesterday, I thumbed through one, and it actually looked quite good. It was a bit updated, but it was, surprisingly, strong enough that it could be the only time anyone tried to update Speed and it worked. (This may not have been the case through the entire run. The first few issues, at least, were written by Len Strazewski.)

BTW, mabs, you'll fucking love this. I just about shat myself when I saw Chim Chim's PJ's.

[mabudon]

Yes, I loved it, fuck how cool is just that scene and it's not even action?? Thanks for postin it Chux

As for Racer X- I do believe I've seen a couple scenes of young-ish speed with Rex. He WAS in his early 20's when he died, and I swear there's a few cuts of Speed in a car with Rex driving. I don't think they cared that certain things are patently, ridiculously obvious

And from reading the review I am certain that the scenes on the first track are indeed a composite of Speed and Rex doing the course- Rex still holds the record at the beginning of the film and the way it mixes past and present is meant to show that Speed is EXACTLY as good as Rex was at the time of his unfortunate demise

FUCK that clip there is slick man, friday is getting further away all the fuckin time

[anarky]

The only thing I can see that was really changed is the age of Spritle. He seemed to be more a toddler in the series.

Even Rex dying seems to come from the 1980s comic, so it's not new here. (I'd seemed to remember him supposedly dying in the original series, but, re-watching it, everything says he ran away. Unless they change it up later on. Given the continuity issues even within the same episode, I wouldn't doubt it.)

Mabs, did the closing credits bug the shit out of you, too? What the fuck is up with all those steam-powered contraptions, and the cityscape?

[Diabolical]

I hate to piss in your corn flakes, but I found a scathing review from someone looking forward to Speed Racer as much as you kids...

1/2 star out of 4

The seventies cartoon SPEED RACER did not burn rubber in the imaginations of an entire generation of young boys due to its gorgeous animation, deep characterization, or labyrinthine plotting. The cartoon succeeded because of THE CAR.

Yes, the Mach Five was the dream car for boys all around the world. Our minds reeled at the possibilities afforded us in the hum-drum world if we were behind the wheel of that extraordinary vehicle. That simple device was the chassis upon which was built a very successful - though not successfully animated - cartoon classic.

And it’s the one thing the Wachowski’s forgot in this completely stillborn remake.

The Wachowski’s insisted from the beginning that they wanted to keep the “children’s show” aspect of the cartoon intact; this was going to be a kid’s movie, not an adult version of the show. Great. But then they proceed to vomit out a movie so thoroughly incomprehensible and complicated that it can do nothing but bore/alienate/lobotomize kids everywhere. I will not attempt to summarize it simply because it cannot be understood. I defy anyone to completely explain this film that isn’t either the Wachowski Brothers or their team of therapists. I will describe it thusly: Take the mindbendingly complex plotting of the entire Godfather trilogy, and then imagine it if it was filmed through a filter of the stargate sequence in 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY using actors from TRON. That, in a nutshell, is this movie.

Before I eviscerate everything else, let me point out the lone positive aspect of this entire production: the performances of the cast. Everyone is, for the most part, terrific in their roles … even the fucking monkey. Particularly good were John Goodman and Susan Sarandon as Speed’s parents, bringing a depth not evident in either the old show or the new script that was apparently conjured from a piece of toilet paper dangling from the asshole of a homeless person. Emile Hirsch is surprisingly effective as Speed, providing just the right touches of naivete and aggression to the role. Christina Ricci is, of course, sexy, while Matthew Fox apparently portrays a somnambulist in black leather named Racer X.

These performances are torpedoed by a lifeless, misguided script that confuses the term “motivation” with “unending backstory.” The first fifteen minutes of this overlong film (two hours and fifteen minutes for a KID’S movie?? Are you kidding?) consists of flashbacks within flashbacks. I counted four in all, including one from Rex Racer’s point of view. Such ridiculous overplotting is completely unnecessary for film based on SPEED RACER. It needs a simple story of good versus evil and right versus wrong; save the rest for THE MATRIX REWIRED.

However, given the art direction and overproduction with which this abortion was created, no amount of screenplay editing could have saved it from oblivion. I admire radical directorial choices, I really do. But when characters and backgrounds smear around like a swirl of fast food diarrhea, even a Dr. Seuss story would leave my head spinning. The racing scenes here, which represent about a third of the film, are so frenetically cut and computerized that it’s impossible to discern what’s going on. Cars spin wildly and constantly, bashing into each other at such close range and so quickly that the brain, which is nature’s greatest computer, cannot keep up. These out-of-control races take place on color-smeared racetracks against flashing, colored backgrounds. The brain finally gives up, leaving any cognitive being in their seat with their mouth hanging open in stunned shock.

The cumulative effect of this visual overload is an indifference to any action onscreen. The Wachowski’s are clearly gunning for a feel-good, Star Wars-like finale, but instead there is only an exhausted gasp. Being an audience member at SPEED RACER is like being Malcolm McDowell in A CLOCKWORK ORANGE, except our eyes are pasted open by the paralysis-inducing wretch of color and light. We weep, not for experiencing our first emotion, but rather our last.

Believe me, this is the most misguided attempt at a summer film since HULK, even though that was a decent film that simply didn’t fulfill genre expectations. It’s actually difficult to find comparative examples of atrocity. Maybe the Matthew Broderick version of GODZILLA? Maybe ISHTAR? I cannot overstate the wrongness of this entire production. It fails on almost every level.

A monumental disaster. Movie lovers can now relax; nothing this summer can fail worse than this.

[mabudon]

I think in the japanese version he did indeed die but they figured that was too much in 1967

The closing credits just confused me, I thought they were from a different show or something- I basically was glad that shit wasn't part of the actual show, but it didn't really bug me- in a way it was my first experience with the weird way Japanese stuff presents things

EDIT- that guy is retarded that wrote that, must be a flantdig- I have seen tons of clips on a 4" wide window and had NO trouble making out what was happening, sure it IS really dense and insane but I can handle that, and the more ridiculous reviews I read the more excited I get

there's FOUR major fuckin awesome tracks in the film, one being 5000 miles long and spanning "multiple continents", and Speed Racer...

All's I need to say about that review is the Mach 5 is most DEFINITELY in the film for at LEAST one major race, so the guy obviously didn't either see the film or know anything whatsoever about what he was seeing- I'm thinking Mach 6 isn't used until the Crucible at LEAST

[anarky]

I didn't like it for the car. No one I knew did. We loved the cheesiness.

[anarky]

Oh, Grimlock, I've got some sweaty balls for you to suck on!

The New Yorker gave this a scathing review. That should not be a surprise, since that magazine is known for its pretentiousness and neverending crusade to suck any and all fun from the arts even as it tries to elevate art of any form whatsoever (except cartoons and comics, which are tripe, of course) to a level where no one would fucking bother.

I think this quote jumped out as the big telling moment of what an ass-backward douche this guy is:

Though the film is not as criminally poor as “V for Vendetta,” which the Wachowskis wrote in 2005....

Because everyone fucking hated V for Vendetta since it was such an incredibly bad movie, right?

[Double_G]

I don't give a shit if the reviews are bad across the board. I still want to see the movie. I'm not really enthusiastic about it, but I'm still interested. I don't understand how the critic from the review that DB posted could think the movie was that bad, yet he did state the cast was superb in their roles. How does that add up exactly?

The only thing I'm questioning is why the movie is 2 hours and 15 minutes. That seems a little too long.

[Sleazer]

About 2 hours and 15 minutes too long...

just kidding.

[anarky]

I do think the running time sounds a bit on the long side for this sort of movie, which is my only concern. However, everyone seems so willing to bitch and moan about the Wachowskis because the Matrix sequels weren't especially good... but they forget the first Matrix movie and V for Vendetta.

Mabs, I didn't want to answer before the "re-watch," but I watched the Mammoth Car episodes today, and that definitely is it, albeit scaled down considerably. Have you seen the Car Acrobatic Team in any trailers?

[anarky]

Saw the rerun of last night's Colbert Report (I passed out about 11:30 last night). Colbert liked it. Therefore, it is a great movie. Stephen Colbert is never, ever wrong. Even when he's not right, the natural laws controlling the universe much change to conform to him.

[mabudon]

The acrobatic team is at LEAST represented by Snake Oiler but I have seen what looks like them in a few trailers- in the show they usually select a group of 7 or so of them to enter specific races, pretty much never the entire team (there were lots of them in the Trick Race tho)

No worries with the scaling down of the mammoth car, it still looks like what it was supposed to be, a big fuckin not-a-car thingy. It will be in the 5000-mile race as it was made to smuggle gold in the series so wherever it appears it HAS to cross country borders I'm thinkin

[anarky]

The reviews from comicbookresources.com and thedigitalbits.com seem to be coming from folks more like us, and they both loved the shit out of this movie. The dude at thedigitalbits said he was going to have to buy two copies on bluRay, since he'd wear one out.

[anarky]

I'm going next Friday. Won't be able to get a babysitter until then, but we're definitely going to see this motherfucker. Though I assume there won't be too much to spoil, if there is, keep it on the down-low until then, okieday?

BTW, mabs, iTunes has the score. I listened to some tracks (and may get it there, since the CD is $8 more). It's by the same guy who scored The Incredibles, and the closing music sounds almost exactly like the original. (It would be fucking funny as shit to see Emile Hirsch and John Goodman riding around on those steam-powered contraptions while Chim Chim and Spritle paint a background of an old-style cityscape.)

DOUBLE POST NOT ALLOWED!!

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Obligatory anti-Grimlock rant, yadda yadda....

Hey, mabs! Check it out!!

[anarky]

God damn, me anarky smell gay. Me smell gayer than bag of Rip Torns.