Vynsane.com's Hasbro's Weekly Q&A

[Senor JabbaJohnL]

It's from the deleted scene where he first tries on Han's outfit and the underpants were too tight.

Are you ready to talk about the Hoth and Endor sets yet?

[Rollo Tomassi]

We can talk about them all you like. As long as you don't ask for specifics. Or release dates. Or mention them by name like you just did. We prefer to refer to them as 'the thing' and 'the other thing'. But other than those stipulations, feel free to ask away! We'll be forthcoming as we always are!



Newsbot released an article about sales being down at major retailers. Do you notice a direct correlation between this and the fact that Transformers, GIJoe, and Marvel Legends pegs across the country are fucking empty. I don't know what the Star Wars situation is because frankly, and I must say righteously, gave up on that shit years ago. But the empty pegs. Jesus, who are you guys? Mattel? At leas they have the excuse that they had to pull all their toys because they were baby killers. Whats yours?

[Ran]

We recently bought stock in some oil companies. Since they have been turning out record profits for a couple years now, we thought it would be a good idea. By limiting the stocking of Transformers, GIJoe, and Marvel Legends, we're forcing you to drive to more stores to look for them. Every gallon you burn looking for these things is more money in our pockets.

I don't really have a toy question, but there is one thing I'd like to know. How many of you guys eat your own poo? I'm sure some if not all of you do it on a regular basis.

[Rollo Tomassi]

Jeff in payroll eats his own poo. I think Doug in R&D, ummm...Larry in Clearances, maybe Paul in legal. They've been known to wolf down the poo. All of us at one point or another have tried our own poo, but don't down it on a consistent basis. Peter on the Star Wars team likes to eat other people's poo. He's voracious. We're making a SW Figure of him and making it exclusive to Entertainment Earth this summer.




Are Wal-Mart and Target resentful that you've placed your own greed above theirs in these matters?

[Ran]

No, we share the poo with them.

Do retailers get angry at you when store exclusives don't do well and have to be sold on clearance?

[anarky]

No. In fact, Randall Q Target, owner of the Target Corporation, has this weird fetish with marking things down. He gets off on it. On the other hand, Michael Toysrus refuses to ever clearance anything. That's why his store, Toys R Us, still has Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves exclusive figures. Figures which, in fact, we're going to be re-releasing in Clonetrooper Armor as a Battlepack at KB next year!

How the hell do you explain the flaming travesty that is the Spirit of Anakin? Why didn't you just take an existing Vader figure and sculpt it in the clear plastic, like every other hologram and ghost figure? Why did you have to do an incredibly fey head sculpt and give him Tinkerbell's sparkly cape?

[Senor JabbaJohnL]

George Lucas asked to do it, so now when you see Hayden's head in ROTJ, you'll be more pissed at us for making a shitty figure of it than you are at him for putting him in there in the first place.

What's the secretive Clone Wars mail-away offer going to be? Another clone?

[kidhuman]

What Clone Wars figure?


How about a Yarna Ephant Mon 2 pack?

[Senor JabbaJohnL]

How about you suck my ass and die?

The other day I realized just how much repainted exclusive shit Target is going to be getting in the next few weeks. What other repainted vehicles are we in for next year?

[kidhuman]

We are putting put a rainbow assortment of JSF's and Gunships to go along with each rainbow colored clone.


How about you let one of us work for you guys for one week. This way we can give ideas that THE FANS really want.

[Rollo Tomassi]

We tried that once before. We held a contest in the late 90's and the winner would get to design a brand new figure. It was held at hasbro.com, starwars.com, and walmart.com. The winner, a Robin S. Flant...something or other came up with the idea of the Cruisemissile Trooper. And although, we modified our own test marketing statistics to prove it had been a great success, we really knew the whole idea sucked moneyshit and decided that we know what fans want best, not the fans themselves.



You keep announcing wave after wave of GIJoe figures, but fuck me if I've seen the first one show up at retail yet. I see empty pegs. So are these imaginary waves you are releasing or what?

[Ran]

Oh, they're out there. You must not be looking in the right places. Why don't you start by pulling your head out of your ass.

Hypothetically, if there were a pair of giant exclusive battlepacks coming out for the holiday season, wouldn't you want to advertise them prior to say...Black Friday? That's next week by the way. Or are you going to go the "Father's Day" in August route again?

[anarky]

Father's Day is in August. We celebrated it on the traditional Zimbabwean date, not the stupid June date that dumb Americans think is Father's Day.

So far, we got the MP Prime (twice now) and the MP Starscream. Given that Japan has also gotten Megatron, Ultra Magnus, Skywarp, and (soon) Thundercracker, and there's no word of a certain robotic dinosaur that you yourselves said two years ago that you really wanted to see, is there any likelihood of Grimlock or any other classic characters being visited in the MP format? And, if so, is this going to be like Megatron, where we can't get him here? (Speaking of which, why don't you just slap a fucking orange cap on the barrel and release Megs here? $150+ is a bit much to spend.)

[Senor JabbaJohnL]

We used to think Grimlock was the biggest faggot in the universe, but then we met you.

Okay, so now the Hoth and Endor Ultimate Battle Packs have been advertised on Target's own website, so you're all clear to talk about them. Are they coming on Black Friday, or a few days later, as the ad suggests? I don't want to miss them, but I also don't want to have to wait outside Target in the wee hours in the morning with the typical Black Friday buttfuckers just to be sure that I'll get them.

[Newsbot]

The gang down in research say there is a 34% chance it will be out on Black Friday, a 27% chance it will be out shortly after Black Friday, 19% chance you will find them on clearance after Christmas, 16% you won't find them at all, and a 4% chance you will just end up staying home sucking your own cock. They did up a pie chart and everything.

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Do you expect us to believe that all of your toys made in China are safe?