McKellen hopes for role in `Hobbit'

[jjreason]

I'm hoping it's because he wants to split out his two epic 3 hrs movies into 3 epic 2hr movies - but I'm not holding my fucking breath. I had to piss during Batman for fuck sakes, 40 year olds can't sit through those fucking long movies like 27 year olds can.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

I had to piss during Batman for fuck sakes, 40 year olds can't sit through those fucking long movies like 27 year olds can.

Dude, I was totally half distracted for the last 15-20 minutes of the film because my crotch muscle was clenching the entire time and I didn't want to leave.
One of the bonuses of watching movies at home: the pause button.

[Jargo]

At 444 I can still go for several hours without the need to piss thanks to an enlarged bladder. Years and decades of having dread fear of public toilets has lead to this but it is very handy when watching epic movies.

I imagine Jackson will be padding his movies out with Elf Dwarf and Orc mcguffin. From the Silmarillion and the Lost and Unfinished tales tomes. Wonder if Tom Bombadil will make an appearance this time round.

I don't know what I'm talking about I just wanted to participate. I've never even read the hobbit or finished the rings trilogy. Tolkien is pretty much unreadable. His narrative is that of of some elitist twunt sitting in an ivory tower sneering at everything he surveys. I feel like I'm sitting in a pile of dust and dead moths when I try reading his prose. Thank god for Peter Jackson and Fran Walsh.

[Diabolical]

This shit keeps getting worse all the time.
From 3 boring movies to 4, then 5, now 6.

[Ran]

I don't know what I'm talking about I just wanted to participate. I've never even read the hobbit or finished the rings trilogy. Tolkien is pretty much unreadable. His narrative is that of of some elitist twunt sitting in an ivory tower sneering at everything he surveys. I feel like I'm sitting in a pile of dust and dead moths when I try reading his prose. Thank god for Peter Jackson and Fran Walsh.

I read the books when I was in my early teens. By the time I saw the LOTR movies, I couldn't remember a single thing about them, so they were a surprise. The animated Hobbit movie was played on TV every year, and it was sort of a special event. You know, back when television came via antenna and there were only a few channels. I think I remember the basics about The Hobbit. Then again, according to IMDB, it was only 77 minutes long, so I'm sure my memory will be very little help when it comes to McKellen's version(s).

[RoIIo Tomassi]

I bought that animated Hobbit DVD out of the $5 bin back when the original movies were still being made. It's awefulsome. During the final battle scene, the two armies are literally just black dots bouncing around on the screen. That's how ghetto the animation was.

here's the whole damn movie, but you can go to the last six minutes to see what I'm talking about.

[anarky]

Most awesome news of the day.

I love how, looking around the net, reactions range from mine to full-on nerd rage.

The best comment, on CBR's post to FB:

I am not all that comfortable with this. He is a fan not a scholar, has he written any thing for the Tolkien Society, attended any conferences on Middle Earth? No

First, has Ian McKellan? Christopher Lee? Elijah Wood? Andy Serkis? Nope. Go fuck yourself.

I'm assuming based upon this person's lack of command of the English language, s/he has not, either. Again, go fuck yourself.

Zero, I'll drop six bucks in the mail. That was well worth it.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

People complaining probably think he'll be plopped into the film wearing a three piece suit and a bright red tie. And not, y'know, in heavy make up. It's a Cameo, you numbskulls. He's not gonna be the 14th Dwarf.

[Ran]

How can he not be qualified? Colbert has "Sting" on his set.

[anarky]

I know, man (to both of you).

I'd fucking shit myself laughing if he did show up in his suit and tie, in character. I'd be willing to bet he won't have any lines... or glasses.

Though Beorn is a bear... this could be interesting.

[Jargo]

Ok, I've now read the hobbit. I forced myself to sit down and plow through it. It's horrible. A terrible book. Like all childrens books before 1970 it's completely patronising and condescending to the imagined child that's reading it. He creates a threat from the dragon and then when the thing finally decides to go apeshit and spew fire Tolkien kills it off with one arrow. It's like zero jeopardy. And the dwarves are shit. Supposedly from a long line of badass fighters and all they do is moan and whinge and sit around waiting for either Gandalf or Bilbo to do all the work. Oh and Gandalf wanders off on 'important business' but Tolkien says fuck you reader, I'm not going to tell you about that important stuff and leave a plot thread dangling. Not that Gandalf is important anyway. He speaks like a kiddy fiddler and all he can do is make fireworks or make the end of his staff glow. Fucking useless wizard. Then there's Beorn the manbearpig who is just an attention seeker with OCD. The Elves are alcoholics, and completely pointless to the story. And the whole time Tolkien is blathering on about stuff from 'the past' that he hasn't even written yet. So basically the whole book is about some assclowns fighting over some gold trinkets and endless pages of yawnsome shit about some freak with a hair problem who keeps shoving his finger in Gollum's ring-piece.

I don't know how anyone would get one film from this let alone three.

[Senor JabbaJohnL]

I don't know about three movies, either. But I know them Denny's Hobbit meals is gonna be mad delicious, son.

Er . . . with actual names like these, I'm not so sure . . .
• Gandalf's Gobble Melt
• Hobbit Hole Breakfast
• Pumpkin Patch Pancakes
• Lonely Mountain Treasure
• Frodo's Pot Roast Skillet
• Shire Sausage
• Bilbo's Berry Smoothies
• Radagast's Red Velvet Pancake Puppies
• Seed Cake French Toast
• Build Your Own Hobbit Slam
How the fuck is anyone supposed to say those words in public and not be immediately ashamed?

[Tom Foolery]

'Shire Sausage' and 'Lonely Mountain Treasure' are the pet names my girlfriend and I gave each other's naughty bits.

And not necessarily the naughty bits you'd assume.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

My review:

First off, I have to preface this with one fact. Loved it. It was a lot of fun and works to bridge(?) to the events of the "Sequel" trilogy. That said...

It's cinematic masturbation. Although the film is nearly three hours long, and keeps you entertained for most of the film, it's severely padded with a bunch of unnecessary fooforaw. The opening with Ian Holm and Elijah Wood seems especially padded. We get it, you were in the first trilogy. Elijah especially looks out of place because he's got the face of a thirty year old instead of the seventeen he was from the first film. In the LotR he's baby faced. Here you can't help but stare at his five oclock shadow.
Then the scene where we are introduced to the 13 dwarves and they devour all of Bilbo's pantry(coming off as a bunch of douches) runs on too long. Furthermore, the scene where Gandalf "convinces" Bilbo to go on the adventure falls flat. In Fellowship, you bought into the gravitas of Frodo and Sam having to leave. Here it comes across like 'well shit, if he doesnt go there's no movie...'

They cram in a bunch of stuff with Radagast and the Necromancer that might pay off in the third film, but here it's dead weight. Likewise a meeting between Gandalf, Saruman, Galadriel, and Elrond that's supposed to portend drama to come. And a nonexistent Orc leader complete with backstory and connection to Thorin because the first movie in the trilogy needs a villain. They also threw in obvious throwbacks to first trilogy that were a bit hamfisted to me. Remember when Gandalf changes his demeanor in Hobbiton and gets all thundery voiced for a moment? Let's throw that in again. Gollum being humorously MPD? Yeah, some of that. Gandalf whispering to moths and Giant birds as deus ex Machina? Can never dip into that well too much!(actually you can)!

And it's really more like 6 Dwarves and 7 extras. Armitage is great as Thorin. Then theres the old white haired Balin, the exposition guy. Dwalin, the stern one with a UPC tattooed on his head. Then the two young good looking dwarves who are clearly the Orlando Bloom standins. Other than that, the others get one or no lines. The overly obese one gets a few chuckles.

But the cinematography is gorgeous and although I didn't see it in 3D I can tell it would've been awesome. And the film for the most part is full of fast paced adventure and chases through mines and caverns and across glorious open plains of New Zealand Narnia Middle Earth.

I imagine the second film will introduce Beorn, deal with the wood elves and end with Smaug's assualt on Lake Town. And the third film will be the War of the Five Armies as well as the absurdly expanded battle with the Necromancer.

Overall it's a great film, but with obvious chinks in its armor.
I would be interested when this is all done, to see a cut of the trilogy that ONLY tells the story of the book without all the added stuff. Sort of a reverse Expanded Cut.

[jjreason]

I must say we (Tom & I) liked it too, though I would suggest it's a bit XTREME. Too much full blown George Lucas/Indiana Jones & The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull/3rd Pirates of the Caribbean/Bad James Bond with Pierce Brosnan action - falls so high & mighty that there is NO way anyone could walk away from them, but they do (every 3-4 minutes in this movie)... but somehow I left exhilarated. I think being back with those characters in those settings with that music is simply great, regardless of whatever the fuck else happens.

Oh, and can these poor schmucks get a break from being chased for at least 15 seconds next time? Jesus.