the vynsane asylum

Cable and Deadpool are both BACK! Apparently Soldier X and Agent X did dick for sales, so they figured it was cheaper to pay Rob the royalties and go with their more famous nom de guerres. But instead of twice the royalties, they just combined both characters into one book. Rob gets an extra teeny slap in the nuts. I would rather suckerpunch Babs Striesand than Paige.

I'm sure the dicky sales were at least partly due to guys like us, who hadn't read the stories in ten years and came back after X2 and immediately said, "Okay, I don't like Liefeld, but where the fuck is Cable?"

Where the fuck is Alex? (The pre-Paige Paige who was hotter than Paige. On this topic, I wouldn't mind trading anything with either one of those fly bitches.)

The comic character I came to bitch about today was Plasticman. The name, costume, glasses, and jokey-aroundy demeanor are so pathetically terrible they just reinforce my hatred of DC to the 100th degree. Fuck Plasticman, and the stupid plastic horse he rode in on.

I must say, Plasticman is complete shitfest. Didn't he even have his own cartoon for awhile? Plastic-baby??? What was that? And what about Elongated Man who is basically Plasticman without the damn goofy sunglass thingies and nasty bryllcreme hair. DC rips off its own ripoff of Mr Fantastic? Fantastic!!

Power Pack needs to get lined up and kicked in their teeny prepube nutsacks. Remember when the oldest one turned into a horse? Kick him in his horse nuts. You gotta wonder how some of these series lasted as long as they did.

Yeah, elongated man, plastic man, reed richards, what the fuck was his name... N-man?? I can't recall the label.... he was another barbarpapa piece of crap.... also another one of those "parody" works... sucked out loud..

Ties into another nominee, recalled to me by toyfare today.. SKIN!!!! what a WANKY power he has.... 6 extra feet of skin.... hell long dong silver had that and he never got no comic book title... lotta film titles, though....

Oh, and every character from "animax".... I love to read failed series, sometimes, and Animax is one of the best... anyone seen it??? I especially hate the "Power Horse".... SO lame!!!

Gross thing is the crack-smoker writing Uncanny right now made Jubilee want to bang Skin (prior to his well-deserved, though slightly underplayed, death). The logistics just make me want to vomit.

Let's see here. She has no birdy, he has a gray horse cock with millions of wrinkles and at least 14 inches of foreskin. Now that's some freaky deaky shit, right there Baby. Marvel Max indeed.

no "BIRDY"??? what the FUCK does that mean??? Is that really the way it is in the comics???

that scenario is WAY too much.... glad I set it up......

Nah, that's my rule, because she's a minor and that shit'll get you in jail.

Yup, the Jubester is the only spunky, Asian-American mutant without a goody box. And that's for the best.

Back on the topic of lame asses. So my comics guy has these grab bags, right? 25 Marvel books for $7.50. Anyway, I'm not <i>looking</i> at any of them, but I'm looking at them becuase they're parceled in with all the other marvel mags, I'm perusing. Anyway, one of them grabbed my attention because the comic in the front of the bag was Mad-Dog #1.

Haha! Anybody remember this chump? Marvel couldn't decide whether they wanted to do a spoofy TV Batman 60's style campy comic book or a grim and gritty Wolverine type 90's comic book, so they did BOTH in a flip style book. Presumably these two versions of the same lameass then rassled each other in a death match for the title of biggest suckfest of all time. Either it was limited suckfest* or it only sucked** for 4 issues before sucking***

*series
**lasted
***being cancelled

In the newest Wizard magazine, theres an interview with some writer who's taking over the Aquaman book with issue 15 and making it "cool" I had to make sure it wasn't April and this was some kind of a joke article, since his first step in making him "cool" is putting Arthur back in ubergay orange and green tights and really playing up his "Talk to Fishies" powers. Oh, and he called Black Manta, "Aquaman's Joker". Is it possible to cancel a series <i>before</i> the first issue comes out? Sales on this book have already taken a nosedive. Ah well, there's always Aquaman's next three series which will suck and get cancelled.

It's truly remarkable how much DC sucks. Are any of those heroes or alter egos cool AT ALL except Batman? No. None of them. That's hard to believe, but amazingly true. Dumb Comics.

On a weird note, my whole thread about what comics people were buying got turfed at SSG. Chux, I PM'd you about this.... any info?

NFC, jjreason. I'll try to find out something, but I have no idea why it would've been axed.

Wasn't Mad Dog the comic written by Bob Newhart's character on the first season of Bob? (Remember that show? First season was all cool, with him being a comic artist. Then second season had no relation to the first except that Newhart was still the main actor.)

Yeah, now that you mention it, Mad Dog was written by "Bob". of course, this has no bearing on the suck factor involved in MD's suckiness.