GIJoe

[Ran]

So the Joes don't know where Springfield is, even though a few of them had to fly back after being captured and Cobra Commander doesn't know where the Joe base is even though he attacked it?

I'm glad they explained how Cobra gets their money from pyramid schemes...like Amway.

[anarky]

Wasn't it dark and the instruments out when they flew from Springfield? I might be mistaken. I guess they could extrapolate more or less where Springfield was. Eh, don't question it. I don't think it would be spoiling too much to say they'll find out where it is eventually.

Truth is, I don't think Springfield was ever supposed to be as big as it turned out to be. I think it was a throwaway of sorts, and then it kept getting used just because. "I need to show Cobra at home, and, well, looks like they're still based in Springfield."

[RoIIo Tomassi]

It's Springfield, like a Simpson's Springfield. It could be any town, anywhere.

[anarky]

Rollo, you know what head might work for a custom Blue Ninja BN-001? It'd be a kickass figure, so Hasbro would never make it.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

He's got a very insect looking head, so you'd probably be looking at maybe a Star Wars cantina alien? Or maybe if they made Ultron or Annihilus in the smaller Marvel Universe figures?(I don't follow the smaller Marvel figs, so I honestly don't know if they've made them yet.)
At the very outside, would one of them old Cobra-La guys work as a starting point? It'd take quite a bit of modifying.

[anarky]

The upcoming Comic-Con arc looks like the bee's balls. And I say that knowing that most bees are chicks.

How you coming along, Rando Carrissian?

[Ran]

I've finished the first 3 volumes. Haven't got around to buying any more yet.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

I was vaguely aware of this Larry Hama factoid.(As in, I knew it was true back in the day, and had forgotten it until it was mentioned). But it bears sharing here, just to show how swell Hama is.

[anarky]

On the IDW-verse front:

Cobra Command Vol. 1 is a bit meh. I should be excited about Cobra invading a whole country and pew, pew, pew, lots of explosions, boom, boom! But I'm not.

I am fucking sick of Helix. She is the most talkative, useless piece of shit character I've seen since Deadpool. Fuck, I might like Deadpool more than I like Helix. I want her to die like I've never wanted a Joe character to die before. Even the fucking [nameless, no matter what Devil's Due says] SAW Viper was the sort of fucking bastard you loved to hate, and you cheered when he finally got his, but you weren't actively rooting for him to die (except in the sense that you knew he had to get his comeuppance). I want her to get run over by a truck. Not even killed by a Cobra. Just some sleepy truck driver who veers off the road and hits her while she's taking a dump on the shoulder. If the character design and ROC figure weren't both so cool, I'd fucking burn my figure of her.

Alpine is a close runner-up. No fucking way that guy'd be active duty, much less running around in a battlefield on his prosthetic legs after, what, a couple of months? And if one other character refers to his "kicks," they need to be abused in the mouth.

[This said, I would not mind Helix showing up in ARAH. I know that sounds contradictory as hell. But that book has lost some of the "here's our newest six Joes and their specialties" bit that was cheesy and fun. And it could use another female. Hama'd be likely to disregard 99% of what's been done with her before and just use her as a new counter-intelligence specialist. Re-imagined Helix, Kamakura, Wraith, Firewall, etc, would be pretty cool.]

I'm really seeing what people complain about with Dixon's military inaccuracy. I've never been in the military, and the way folks are acting doesn't seem true. The bit about "map coordinate H as in 'hotel'" really bugged the fuck out of me.

But what really bugs me is the tech. This is supposedly a realistic take on Joe. It was cool as hell in the early days to see one of the more believable vehicles showing up every so often. But now, they've got Mambas, Wolf Mechs, and motherfucking Buzz Boars. What is the logical point, aside from making a wild toy, of the fucking two-rotor configuration of the Mamba? And why wasn't the country overrun by goddamned Zombie-Vipers riding Pogos? That's about the only way shit could get dumber. This isn't "hey, look, I'm going to re-interpret Crystal Ball as this creepy mastermind, and Serpentor as a cult leader." This is just the straight-up bullshit from later years dropped directly into a universe where it doesn't belong. I'm expecting Ozone and Clean Sweep to fight Krake next issue.

Back to the tech, it's funny [not] how the team gets its budget slashed, but then the fucking ROCC and Mean Dog show up out of buttfuck nowhere, name-dropped like a bad homage to the random "first appearance of new vehicle" bits from the old series. Like I said, this sort of stuff has no place here, and I'm referring both to the vehicles themselves and the "name-drop the vehicle that serves no purpose except to show up" appearances.

This isn't quite "Transformers: For All Mankind," but it's getting pretty weak.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

There's a funny bit in the latest issue of GIJoe where Mainframe takes out a couple of Vipers and aquires their Trubble Bubble. And then promptly crashes it after about 30yds. "And we're walking..."

[anarky]

That sorta thing doesn't sound too bad. The Trouble Bubble is the sort of tech that's plausible, but still just beyond what exists in the real world. And a Joe being unable to pilot it sounds about right.

But, seriously, the Thai army being completely overrun by fucking Buzz Boars? Buzz Boars? You have to dig deep to find dumber Joe vehicles. In fact, I'm not sure it's possible to dig deep enough unless you want to unblock the memory of the Pogo (which, at least, was explained away in a joking manner as some weird bullshit that nutjobs like Raptor and Fred VII came up with in its single, Hasbro-mandated appearance). I seriously cannot come up with a single Cobra vehicle that's more ridiculous. (I'm not saying there isn't one, just that I can't come up with one.)

Also, the supermassive ROCC suddenly showing up right after they're talking about budget cuts and needing to use existing materiel doesn't ring true. And the whole "Good thing we're here with your new Mean Dog, eh, Wild Card?" works perfectly in the Joeverse that started in 1982, but sounds ridiculous as fuck here.

And Helix is still goddamned stupid.

[Ran]

But, seriously, the Thai army being completely overrun by fucking Buzz Boars? Buzz Boars? You have to dig deep to find dumber Joe vehicles. In fact, I'm not sure it's possible to dig deep enough unless you want to unblock the memory of the Pogo (which, at least, was explained away in a joking manner as some weird bullshit that nutjobs like Raptor and Fred VII came up with in its single, Hasbro-mandated appearance). I seriously cannot come up with a single Cobra vehicle that's more ridiculous. (I'm not saying there isn't one, just that I can't come up with one.)

General Grevious begs to differ.

I never liked the Sky Hawk, but it wasn't nearly the worst vehicle. The HAVOK and LCV recon sled were lame. So was the Armadillo. On the HAVOK, the main gun doesn't turn and the gunner is sitting out in the open? Not to mention that the driver(s) are laying on their stomach, which would kill their necks.

Another one I don't get is Zartan's swamp sled thingy. It's on skis, but somehow it floats?

The STUN is kind of dumb. Why would anyone want to ride a convertible 3 wheeler into battle? Then the late 80s really kicked in and most of the stuff was just plain weird.

[anarky]

This is the first time in many moons that I won't be at Comic-Con.

And the schedule, revealed over the past couple of days, reveals a "Larry Hama Spotlight."

They somehow fucking did this on purpose. I know it. Assholes!

GOD DAMN YOU, SARAH PALIN!!!!

[RoIIo Tomassi]

This is my third year in a row I wont be attending. I really don't miss it. It's just gotten to damn big to be enjoyable. 250,000 people crammed in a convention center designed for 50,000 is just asinine. And all the Convention rooms have a capacity of a few hundred or less(except Hall H which holds a whopping 6,000 ). That means that less than 1% of all convention goers can enjoy any given Panel. And 99% miss out. It's like paying $1000 to go to a big sweaty virgin lottery.

[anarky]

Last year, I took Anarky Jr to a Batman panel with Adam West, Julie Newmar, and Burt Ward. As you can imagine, we had to stand in line for a while. Some crazy guy started bitching at everyone who was in line for the panel that he was missing (Ugly Americans, I think--some show that boggles my mind didn't get canceled after the first episode) because everyone who was in line to see Adam West was keeping him out of the panel. Before he got up to us, the lady in line behind us shut him up by pointing out that no one wants to stand in line for hours or to squat in a room during a panel they don't care about, it's entirely the system created by Comic-Con.

I tend to agree with you about the size of the whole thing. And I get annoyed with the way the media portrays it, sort of "everyone's in costume, and first everyone meets Kristen Stewart, then everyone meets Johnny Depp, etc, etc, etc." I got tired of answering, "No, I did not see anything from Twilight, because it's a huge convention with a few hundred things going on at any time, in addition to everything on the floor, and, even if I had the slightest interest in Twilight, I would not waste three days in line to see a half hour of footage I'd be able to see eventually anyway."

I still say they need to move the bulk to LA or Anaheim under a new name, and keep a convention called COMIC-Con in San Diego, with minimal Hollywood interference. Some of it makes sense, but most of it does not.

Still, Larry Fucking Hama. Everyone else at Comic-Con, even big movie stars, I've matured to the point where I realize they put their pants on and go to work just like everyone else. But I couldn't get my mind past "holy shit, this guy created G.I. Joe" when I had the chance to get an autograph a couple of years ago.