the vynsane asylum

Saw a few movies over the long weekend since they gave us all the various movie channels for free.

Hateful Eight. Who would have thought that a Quinton Tarintino could have so much violence and foul language.

Blues Brothers. Because it was on.

Force Awakens. (mentioned a few things in the SW thread)

Space Balls. Also because it was on and I hadn't seen it in a while.

On a side note....I didn't watch any of them, but I'm fairly certain that a Men in Black, Pirates of the Caribbean, or Transformers movie are on one of the basic cable channels at all times.

Saturday morning, I decided to peruse Hulu for something I hadn't seen before. I ended up watching the 1968 cult sci-fi classic Barberella with a suitably nekked Jane Fonda cavorting everywhere. It was hilariously campy. David Hemmings "sex" scene needs to be a gif.

I had that on my Netflix list forever. I think its gone now.

Batman & Harley - A Black Friday pick up. I am so torn about this movie. On one hand, it TAS style with a lot of the voice cast. But there are times when I have no idea who wrote this thing. Crazy shit happens for no fucking reason that I wonder who thought it was a good idea.
Basic plot: Batman and Nightwing need a reformed Harley Quinn's help to stop Poison Ivy and Jason Woodrue from turning every living thing on Earth into a plant.

Examples:
1. Harley strips to her underwear and bends over in front of Nightwing.
2. Harley and Nightwing fuck.
3. Batman catches them post-fuck and realizes what they did.
4. Harley swears. a couple of "shits" and a "goddamn."
5. Harley shakes her tits while performing karaoke at a bar for henchmen. Nightwing starts dancing with a chick and Batman gets caught tapping his fingers to the music. The club itself has a lot of fun TAS henchmen cameos though.
6. Fart jokes. Batman refuses to stop so Harley can use the bathroom, so she busts ass in the Batmobile. Twice.

Because some things need to seen to be believed...

Dark Tower. Disappointingly dull. They cherry picked parts from like the first six books to wedge into “world building” and explaining the premise and by the time I was waiting for the movie to “start” there was like 15 minutes left. Idris Elba was good, but the movie was not. Sad.

Kingsman. The first one. I re-rented it before the second one came out.

War For The Planet of the Apes. Emotionally satisfying conclusion to the trilogy. There’s been talk of Serkis getting Oscar noms. I don’t know if I’d go that far, but damn this film series is amazing.

Logan Lucky. Exceptionally fun redneck heist movie about some good ol’ West Virginia brothers robbing Charlotte Motor Speedway. Great performances from Channing Tatum, Adam Driver, Daniel Craig, etc. check it out. Good stuff.

Hitman’s Bodyguard. Stupid funny “buddy cop” action movie with a twist. I enjoyed its bombacity. Ryan Reynolds and Sam Jackson had good banter.

Bright. My initial reaction when I saw the trailer was ‘Will Smith, what the fuck has happened to you’ but then I saw Joel Edgerton and David Ayers were involved, so out of morbid curiosity I watched it this morning. It was decent. Might even warrant a rewatch at some point. Worth two hours of your life at least. Check it out.

And the Christmas movies;

Die Hard. The annual viewing of the documentary about the events of the evening of 12-24-88 at Nakatomi Plaza.

Love Actually. The movie is so great, it has its own topic. Eff you, non-believers.

Elf. Byeee, Buddy! Hope you find ur dad!

Also borrowed Christmas Story and It’s a Wonderful Life from my dad’s DVD collection. Try to work those in this weekend.

The Legend of Tarzan - not great, but surprisingly watchable. Great cast with Sam Jackson, Margot Robbie, and Christoph Waltz.

Bright - horrible, boring piece of shit on Netflix.
What happened to Will Smith? He used to be the king of Hollywood, but he hasn't made a decent movie in like a decade, since I Am Legend and Hancock, both of which had problems.

Recently did a Hot Tub Time Machine double feature.

The first is amazing. It should be held in higher regard as one of the best comedies in the last 15 years.

The second is not quite as good, but still has a lot of really great moments.



And Bianca Haase has a spectacular nude scene in HTTM2.

Just looked her up. My goodness.

Watched Ken Burns’ Civil War series last week.

Now I’m in the middle of his WWII series, simply called ‘The War’. Great stuff.

jjreason wrote:Just looked her up. My goodness.

That is why I included her name.
You're welcome.

Doomed. The documentary on the unreleased low budget Fantastic Four Movie from the 90s. Talked with just about everyone who made it, or starred in it. Kinda repetitive in places(“We didn’t know!...”) but still interesting and decent.

XxX:The Return of Xander Cage. Vin Diesel himself is probably the weakest thing about this. Some decent stunts. Donnie Yen and Tony Jaa are the bad guys. Also has former Atlanta Falcons TE Tony Gonzalez in it, and The Hound from GoT, and some wrestlers, MMA fighters, etc making “acting” debuts. Stupid, silly fun. Also, the most perfectly timed cameo ever. I LoL’ed and I’ve never even seen the sequel(that’s maybe a spoiler, but whatev)

It. The Stephen King horror remake that made all the money last year. Decent. Made me nostalgic for the Tim Curry version, which creeped me out when I originally saw it. I’m curious if it holds up.

Blade Runner 2049. Holy shit, I’m sorry I missed this in theaters. Gorgeous cinematography and a great story. Lots of debate on what is “human” in there. Very well done.

Dunkirk. Eh. Frankly, quite dull. I get what Nolan was trying to do with the time frames of the three main narratives, but it kept removing me from the flow of the film.

Kingsman; Golden Circle. If you liked the first one, more of the same. I enjoyed it.

Groundhog Day. The annual viewing.

X-Men Apocalypse. It was okay. I think I've seen most the X-Men movies, yet I have no idea hot they fit together chronologically. Don't bother trying to explain it to me because I doubt I could put a title with its plot.

Oh, I will explain. I will.

The first 3; X-Men, X2, XMen Last Stand were original timeline.
X-Men Origins Wolverine was a prequel to original timeline set in the 80s.
First Class was the reboot set in the 60s.
Days of Future Past set in the 70s is a sequel to First Class that also dissipates the timeline of the original trilogy, including Origins.
Apocalypse is set in the 80s. It is the threequel to First Class and DoFP.
Dark Phoenix(coming soon) is the 4th in the First Class reboot series, set after Apocalypse. But I don’t know if it’s the 90s.

The Wolverine and Logan are set after the “present” of what would’ve been the original timeline.


Any continuity gaffes, like Cyclops’ age, can be chalked up to ‘who gives a shit, the X-Men franchise is inferior to the MCU and will eventually get rebooted in the MCU proper now that Disney and Fox rule the world’

First Class a reboot or a prequel? I would have gone with prequel.