the vynsane asylum

Around the time we all fucked your momma.



Hasbro, why do you continue to churn out these mini unleashed and not make new 7" scuplts?

Because the larger Unleashed figures were mostly selling out at regular price, we decided to introduce an unpopular, subpar line of smaller Unleashed figures that would go on clearance in larger numbers, making them more accessible to needy parents who didn't have much money to spend on toys. Just think of it as our humanitarian contribution. If you don't like the Mini Unleashed BattlePacks, you don't like hungry kids. What sort of monster are you?

Hasbro, I'm confused. You release so many items in window packaging or "Try Me" packaging that makes it tough to get items mint in package. And, now, with the card design for the 30th Anniversary Collection, it will be absolutely impossible to get these mint.

At the same time, all figures are in form-fitted plastic backing, with an average of 20 twist ties per square inch, and they have enough elastic bands to create a fairly large Erector crane. It has taken me as long as an hour to open one medium-sized vehicle.

So, who do you hate more, the carded collectors, or the openers and kids?

Our corporate handbook says something like "that you can please some of the people some of the time or none of the people all of the time." The later is the easier path to follow, so we usually go with that.


You guys seem to find the lamest excuses to skip a week or pick and choose questions. Do you still think this Q&A thing is a good idea?

As long as we control it, it is all good.


So, what the fuck gives you the right to control just about every single fucking action figure line out there?

Because I said so. You wanna make something of it, whitey?

So you're re-releasing the Bantha, and supposedly also the Nexu, Reek, and Acklay. How about some new beasts, like the slug the Clonetroopers ride on Felucia, or maybe a properly-scaled Jabba?

Our Jabba's are exactly in scale. It's the rest of the line that's oversized.


I don't feel as if the question about you holding every major toy line hostage as being adequately answered. Could you give us a mor thorough follow up to explain your douchiness?

Send me some nude photos of your mother to our Rhode Island office and we will be happy to give you the toys you want. If you don't have any, contact The Grip or The Grin. We hear they have plenty. Hell, they have an orgy video of our mothers.

My dog ate all of the weapons in anarky's toy collection when I was over at his mom's house. Is there any way I can get them replaced? His mother won't have me over again until I do.

We recommend you time travel back to when Kenner cared about customer service. Cause we don't give a fuck.







Once you've driven your four main franchises (Star Wars, Transformers, Marvel , and GIJoe) into the ground. What aspect of happiness and childhood will you next infest with your deadly disgusting negativity and what steps can we take to prevent this?

We're currently working on creating mail-away exclusives, shortpacks, and variants for the classic games of hide-and-seek and freeze tag.

Okay, Hasbro. I got my first few Thirtieth Anniversary Collection figures yesterday. Why did you get rid of the stands, which were nice-looking and actually useful, for a change, in favor of these stupid coins? What am I supposed to do with these coins?

You don't want the coins? What are you, a tard? Everyone knows coin collecting is the hottest new hobby around!

How's the Nerf line doing? If at all possible, can you try to avoid making a Nerf-Star Wars crossover like you did with Star Wars-Transformers and Star Wars-Potato heads?

We make NERF? Holy shit!!! Let me converse with the design team.

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Look for NERF Herder: The Game coming soon to a toy store near you! Players each get to play the game as one of many Mr. Potato-head themed Star Wars characters, including Luke Spudwalker, Tuber The Hutt, and of course, Artoo-Potatoo.


why don't i care about Star Wars toys anymore?

You shouldn't blame us because you have a very small penis and your inadequacy distracts you away from enjoying such things as a beautiful sunrise, the laughter of a child, puppy dogs, or Star Wars toys. We really do pity you.

Hasbro, any chance you could make a Noa figure before I die of old age? It'd be really damned cool to have an action figure of Wilfred Brimley. While you're at it, how about a two-pack of Bea Arthur and Art Carney from the Holiday Special? Whaddya say, Hasbro?

We won't be making those figures. In the next year or two, we are going to quit making figures from the Star Wars movies all together and only make figures from comic books, new tv shows, and video games. You can take Bea Arthur and stick her up your ass.


When are we going to see images rest of the 2007 Star Wars figures?

Dec 31st, 2007. So fuck you.






Commemorative Silver Surfer in a box? Are you fucking kidding me? How blatant must your money grubbing tactics become before everyone figures you assholes out?