the vynsane asylum

Fine. Dell. Less weird.

Let Snigtad autograph your wife's rack with a permament marker or let Snigtad autograph your man meat with a permament marker?

My honker. I prefer looking at my wife's rack than my own wiener, so I'd rather those boobies not be marred.

Battle of the truly horrifying choices:

Listening to Bob Saget talk for three hours straight, or giving Bob Saget head?

I'll suffer for the 3 hours.

Have Rachael Ray walk around your house naked for a year, cooking all of your meals (but you can't touch her) OR free porn for a year?

So, essentially a hands-off situation of one sort or another for a year?

I'll go with Ms Ray. Food and porn is better than just porn.

Having a Scarlett Spider-type clone who steals your life, with no one believing you're the real you, or having to live the rest of your life looking and sounding like Gilbert Gottfried?

if i had a scarlet spider clone, that would mean i was spider-man, so HELLs yeah! i wouldn't care that my life was stolen as long as i could climb walls and shit.

you're stuck in traffic on the bay bridge and you've just had a really big cup of coffee and two bran muffins HELLO!

OR

being electrocuted. i was electrocuted once... it was very painful.

(anyone get that reference???)

Electrocuted. Get the pain over with quickly.

Isn't that from So I Married an Axe Murderer?


Having your parents catch you rubbing one out or having your wife's parent's catch you and your wife "in session".

Her parents catching me - preferably behind their daugther with both hand on my lower back, thrusthing vigorously. I'd even give her folks the old "thumbs up", 'cause I'm a good sport.

No smilies to use, or no signature function?

No sig function



Clean McDonalds toilets with your tongue or jerking off with sandpaper?

Goddam, KH. You're twisted...

Cleaning bathrooms at McD's. At least it doesn't directly effect my sausage.

Eating shit out of a hollowed out watermelon or eating watermelon from a dog's asshole?

CaptainSolo1138 wrote:Cleaning bathrooms at McD's. At least it doesn't directly effect my sausage.

he never said where the McD's is... if it's in NYC, i'd likely take the sandpaper, as you might end up with some sort of VD that makes your dick look like that anyway, on top of the after-taste of stale homeless man urine.

vynsane wrote:he never said where the McD's is... if it's in NYC, i'd likely take the sandpaper, as you might end up with some sort of VD that makes your dick look like that anyway, on top of the after-taste of stale homeless man urine.

I actually thought of that after I posted it but was feeling much to lazy to edit it. I guess my argument is that you only have a chance of getting the clap, where as if you rub one out with 40 grit you know you're gonna be in rough shape.







Sweet God. Did I really just justify my decision for "This or That"?

Digging this gem up again....

Both of those sound pretty fucking nasty, Cappy, but somehow, even though it technically should be nastier, eating shit from a watermelon sounds less vomitacious than eating watermelon out of a dog's ass. (If nothing else, you'll know when you're done, I suppose.)

Situation 1: You have powers like Ned from Pushing Daisies. (Meaning, touch a dead body once, it comes back to life; touch it again, it dies again, permanently.) Kelly Clarkson is your roommate and is totally devoted to you. And she's a nudist, and likes to masturbate a lot. Unfortunately, you already brought her back from the dead. And if you dump her or look at another woman, she'll go to the authorities, and they'll dissect you, or something.

Situation 2: You get to spend the rest of your life with Mandy Moore. And she's just as perfect as you'd think in every way, and she has some magical power to never age. Only thing is, she's pretty much asexual. As in totally. You'll get one blowjob (or 69) every year on your birthday, and you get to fuck her as much as you want every February 29. It'll be the best sex you can imagine, and it is with Mandy Moore, but you only get it once every four years. Aside from that, you'll never even get to see her in her underwear or any other clothing that's even remotely sexy.

Mandy Moore is hotter, and that's more sex than I'm currently having (also known as "none"), so I'll take situation 2.

Would you rather eat everything in one of those Target Hoth Battlepacks (you can cook it) or spend half a day with one of the AT-ST's legs up your ass?

Packaging materials and all, or just the toys?

Box, toys, plastic shit, and all.