What's up with the pathetic remakes of shit

[Ran]

Is Matrix 2 where the hot French chick cucks Trinity by making Neo kiss her? And, I think Matrix 3 is where those squid robots attack the humans while Neo meets the Architect. They did a spoof of Matrix at the MTV Movie awards and Will Ferrell played the Architect. That's the only reason I remember it. When I was deployed to Guyana, my buddy played that video and proceeded to quote it for 3 or 4 months.

[Diabolical]

I should clarify: I remember moments but none of the story.

They're was a highway chase/fight.
Some albino-looking guys.
The Architect scene (also mostly because of Will Ferrell).
Neo fighting dozens of Agent Smiths that looked like rubber.
Trinity having the longest death scene of all time.

[Ran]

I'm with you there. Matrix 2 and 3 are just a bunch of moments.


By the way, the little door is for Muffin to go out and piddle.

[Tom Foolery]

The MTV Movie Awards sketch was pretty funny.

“You can do the robot with JT.” “Dude, it’s JUST the robot…”

[Tom Foolery]

Blumhouse is rebooting The Blair Witch Project.

Kudos for milking a non-scary premise for this many years. I have to say the original BWP is one of the biggest cinematic letdowns in my entire film viewing life. The marketing for it was brilliant and the original poster gives me more chills than the turd I had to sit thru in the theater.

[Tom Foolery]

Not a remake, but they’re doing another Heroes TV series. A sequel to the shitty super hero show everyone was obsessed with back in the early ‘aughts’.

[Diabolical]

I liked the first run of Heroes, especially season 1.
Seasons 2-4 get shit on, but they're not that bad.

I couldn't get through the sequel series, Heroes Reborn though.

[anarky]

I'm having trouble imagining Liam Neeson as Frank Drebin.

Liam Neeson?! Really? Ew. EDIT. I looked it up. Haha. His son??? No. Just…no.

I don't want a Naked Gun reboot, but I have to admit, after seeing him in Derry Girls, Liam Neeson might be the only person who could nail the straight man aspect of Frank (or Frank Jr, or whatever) Drebin.

[Tom Foolery]

They are making new Lord of the Rings movies. At least two new ones. Andy Serkis is directing/starring in a Gollum movie. And Peter Jackson, his wife Fran, and Phillipa Boyens are all coming back.

I wish I were making that up.

[anarky]

I don't want to start a new thread, but since this is the catch-all sequel thread, I'll post it here. You want to see it. You know you do.

The Paddington movies have been FAR better than they have any right to be, and this looks like it will be no exception.



Edit: not sure if I coded something wrong, but here's the link in case it's not a temporary glitch.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ap8GfXXJCNM

[Tom Foolery]

Paramount has hired Doug Liman to direct a big budget feature of Stephen King’s The Stand. Both miniseries were fairly decent. But for fucks sake, you CANNOT cram that entire book into ONE movie. Did nobody learn that lesson from the fuck up that was Dark Tower??

[anarky]

The only way to do these is to get one studio and one mastermind to helm The Stand as two movies, separate movies for 'Salem's Lot and any other tie-in novels you want to include (that one's non-negotiable), an Eyes of the Dragon animated series or movie, and a massive Dark Tower TV series USING THE SAME FUCKING ACTORS.

It's one massive series, and needs to be treated as such.

Bonus points for including every previous Randall Flagg actor in some capacity.

[Ran]

They are remaking Youngblood. It comes out in March 2026. I can't even tell you the last time I saw the original version with Rob Lowe and Patrick Swayze. The actor playing Rob Lowe's part is black, so it is going to be very hard to find an honest review.

[Diabolical]

I saw there's a tv remake of The 'Burbs starring Keke Palmer for whatever reason.

[Tom Foolery]

They’re remaking American Psycho. But every actor they ask to play Patrick turns them down because nobody wants to be compared to Bale.
Maybe that’s a sign you shouldn’t remake the movie.