Osama Bin Laden is dead.

[Slicker]

I'm just glad I've got a reason to become a patriot again.

[jjreason]

Well kick my balls & call me Susan - I just got pwned. ><

[jjreason]

IF you were a conspiracy theorist/comic writer, how would you bring bin Laden back to life?

*searches desperately for an image of X-Men 101 with bin Laden's face on Jean's body*


Anyhow, most interesting link I've seen since reading that one article that seems to be everywhere, all day today:

http://www.aljazeera.com/news/asia/2011 ... 84209.html

[Rollo Tomassi]

IF you were a conspiracy theorist/comic writer, how would you bring bin Laden back to life?

I don't know about "bring back to life" but I can see the conspiracy theorists making like the whole thing was a US PR stunt. First of all, the guy was probably crafty enough to have pre-taped a few "messages" that would generally say "The reports of my demise are greatly exaggerated..." for his peons to circulate in a few weeks. Although they'd be vague (unless they tied to some upcoming attack) it would be enough for conspiracy doubters and his fucktard zealots as they take little convincing. Secondly, the fact they "got rid of the evidence" by burying it at sea would support such claims. I've already read more than a few people say "I'll believe it when I see it" as if we are all entitled to examine the body personally. We would've almost been better off removing the head and sticking it on a pike at Ground Zero for a few weeks. Trot everyone out to get a close look at what happens when you fuck with the U.S. of A. Or maybe shot some hi-def footage of his body being eaten by hogs. Then butcher the hogs and dump the bacon in the sea. Then post the entire thing on youtube. That's fairly definitive...Plus, I think desecrating the body means he doesn't get into Heaven or whatever. Which normally I wouldn't advocate, but he was a mass murdering fuckwad, so fuck him. But anyway, back to the conspiracy theory. He shaved his beard, and took a slow boat to Argentina to live with Hitler's Clones and grandchildren. And opened a donut shoppe in Buenos Ares.

[Ran]

Well kick my balls & call me Susan - I just got pwned. ><

Happy Birthday, Susan.

[Negative Boy]

I know this cute little bird I like to party with occasionally who works in Naval Intelligence, and she gave the straight poop on the entire operation, but you can't tell anyone else.
Apparently when they stormed the compound, several of the rooms had goats and sheep in them. Several of the animals were bleeding from their assholes, apparently from repeated sodomizing. So much that they had to put the poor animals out of their misery. There were garbage bins full of kleenex covered in blood shit and semen. They speculated that after they got tired of the sheep, they had all been buttfucking each other for the several months they had been holed up there.
They also reported an insane amount of gay porn and bestiality porn on the premises. One SEAL Sargeant said he didn't even think that much gay porn had ever been produced in the history of gay porn. but there were literally stacks of DVDs eight, ten, twelve feet high. In every room in the compound.
Once the firefight started, bin Laden started screaming that he renounced everything and would give up all his lieutenants in other countries. He was sobbing like a baby and begging for his life like a giant pussy. He tossed a couple of his followers out the door to save himself. but the SEALs dropped those fuckers.
Then, once he realized the situation was hopeless, bin Laden shit himself with fright. And then he tried to shoot himself in the head like a chicken shit coward, but the gun was jammed and sticky from his courier buttfucking him with the gun the night before. Again he pleaded, balling like a sissy for the U.S. Troops not to shoot him and offered them millions of dollars, but he still had the pistol in his hand when he came out of the room and the SEAL shot him in the head.
During the autopsy to confirm it was bin Laden they discovered he had been subsiding on a diet of semen for the past week. Some of it goat, and sheep and some of it human. He had so much in his belly, it was distended like an Ethiopian child. And his beard was matted and glistening with jizz. His asshole was so open and gaping from the buttsecks, he had three pairs of hanes tubesock wadded up and stuffed in there to keep it from leaking.
They also found the journals he had been keeping for the past ten years. Just about every entry portrayed him as a simpering coward scurrying from fleabag shithole cave to fleabag shithole cave for a decade, hoping and praying he wouldn't be caught be U.S. forces. He cried himself to sleep every night after the group Al Quaeda buttsecks orgies. Eventually he stopped running and waited for them to come find him. but the last entry the day before he caught suggested he had been part of a Civil Ceremony between him and one of his men, and that when they sixty nined he knew what it was to feel love and hoped he could hide from the U.S. forever and just smoke pole.

[Rollo Tomassi]

Look on the bright side.

You scooped Newsbot on the story.

Yeah, thats right. Suck it, Newsbot.

[anarky]

IF you were a conspiracy theorist/comic writer, how would you bring bin Laden back to life?

First, it was a clone. Al Qaeda had worked with the Iranian government and created hundreds of bin Laden clones. Each clone was sequestered in secret, surrounded by armed guards as if he was the real deal. And each one believed he was. This way, when the Americans finally located a clone, the ensuing fight seemed real. After one clone was finally killed, the alien masterminds behind Al Qaeda reveal to all bin Laden clones that they are more likely than not clones. After a year of intensive ninjutsu training and cybernetic augmentation, an army of cloned ninja bin Ladens attacks the US.

However, the clone who was dumped into the sea was washed by currents into the wreck of a Soviet nuclear submarine and became irradiated. He merged with a nearby shark and became Samek (the Arabic word for fish). He emerged from the ocean as an amphibious monster, completely driven by instinct. Chaos ensues when Samek fights both the heroes and the legion of bin Laden clones. All are destroyed.

Of course, it turns out that there was one final clone, kept in a cloning vat as a backup. He had been fed historical data about various military generals and conquerors, in the hopes that one day he would emerge as a "super bin Laden." However, a flaw in the cloning process actually corrected a "wiring problem" that had been present in the original bin Laden's brain and in all the other clones. So this bin Laden clone has a conscience. He is accidentally freed with only one batch of information left to be implanted: data and memories regarding the real bin Laden. So this bin Laden emerges with absolutely no idea who he is and the morals the original lacked; he winds up becoming a hero. Until Jeph Loeb takes over the book, reveals it's been a sham all along, and turns the final bin Laden clone into a villain with no explanation and seems to have never read anything about the death of the original bin Laden and all his many clones.

[Ran]

IF you were a conspiracy theorist/comic writer, how would you bring bin Laden back to life?

Instead of killing Bin Laden, they killed Sacha Baron Cohen, who was posing as Bin Laden for an upcoming film. He inadvertently purchased a a wig and fake beard made of hair from the Bin Laden family. The US Government falsely identified the body based on hair samples. Meanwhile, in Hollywood, CA, Osama Bin Laden is posing as Sacha Baron Cohen. He is filming Borat 2 and plans on using the money to build a doomsday device.

[anarky]

Didn't take 48 hours for the usual suspects elsewhere to try to turn this into a political debate.

Too bad for them it's only them messing with that entire section now.

[Bizarro The Grin]

Well kick my balls & call me Susan - I just got pwned. ><

wAIT, WAIT, WAIT. hOLD UP. yOU'RE GETTING A SEX CHANGE? i HAVE TO ASSUME IT'S BECAUSE YOU WANT TO EXPERIENCE THE JOYS OF KNOWING (BIBLICALLY) MY COLLEAGUE bIZZARO tHE gRIP AND MYSELF THROUGH A WHOLE NEW ORIFICE. tHAT'S COOL. aS MUCH AS THE TWO OF US LOVE YOUR COCK (EVEN IF IT IS A BIT ON THE SMALL SIDE), WE'LL GET USED TO YOUR NEW VAGINA. hELL, PLAYING WITH TITTIES WILL BE A FUN NEW EXPERIENCE FOR US!

oN THE OFF CHANCE YOU'RE DOING THIS TO GET AWAY FROM OUR AFFECTIONS (WHICH i DOUBT, GIVEN HOW YOU LOVE TO GOBBLE THE BIZARRO KNOB), YOU'LL STILL BE A FATHER, EVEN WITH YOUR SHINY NEW CUNT.

[bIZZARO tHE gRIP]

oH HO HO! sENIOR bIZARRO EL gRIN, yOU CAN HAVE HEES NUEVO VAGINA. aH ESHALL STEEL RAVAGE HEES EPOOP CHUTE. EETS SO VERY NICE! sO FULL OF ESPICE!

[The Grip]

Mon dieu! Ah am, how you say, confused. jjreason, he vas defahnahtely un padre, but now he shall have, how you say, funbags. Ees eet gay to fock zee woman who once vas zee man? Veel he be zee fathair bot en zee woman's body, or veel he be a mozair?

Ah dunna know about mis amigos, bot Ah love zee vahgahna, undt Ah say he eez both a fathair undt a mothair. Zerefore, jjreason he shall be the recipeahnt of zee vairah first five-way from Zee Group! Ho ho ho ho! Undt if Zee Growl vants to hump hees leg, eet shall be the vairah first six-way, no?

[anarky]

Wow. I knew you were in WoW withdrawal, but I didn't expect this.

[Ran]

Anyone else get the feeling this thread is going to scare him away for another 3 years?