Dave Matthews, frontman of the Dave Matthews Band, shocked and awed the crowd at a show in Flantdig Corner, MS, over the weekend.
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As the band, a popular mainstay among rich white college freshmen who like to pretend they're hippies, began the 37th minute of "What Would You Say When You Crash Into The Ants Marching Too Much?" Matthews unexpectedly tensed his entire body and a sound was heard by all that was not unlike what it might sound like if Andre the Giant ripped apart a cellophane-wrapped jaguar corpse with his bare hands.
"I smelled something, and I knew it wasn't right," said band violin player <snicker> Boyd Tinsley. "Something was rank, and it wasn't bad weed."
A sudden case of diarrhea had stricken Matthews, who shat himself right on stage. The crowd, thinking this was part of the act, cheered in unison. Seven people demanded the band play "Free Bird."
Matthews was rushed to a local dorm room for a change of pants and some Zimas, and is reported to be in stable but foul condition. The stage was ruined, and city officials are demanding $4,000 from the band to replace it. "We can't never have our prize pigs on that there stage during the county fair nee more," said the mayor, Benny Flantdig.
