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NEW YORK - Though battles between news anchors have historically been between rival networks, today's ripest feud is a purely CBS affair: Katie vs. Dan. The rivalry took a humorous turn Thursday when a video was posted on the Web showing Katie Couric mocking Dan Rather while preparing to anchor a broadcast from Nashville, Tenn., last week.
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While her CBS crew prepared for the Nov. 8 evening broadcast and makeup was applied to her, Couric mocked Rather. A video of Rather surfaced last month, showing the former "CBS Evening News" anchor obsessing over his appearance before a remote broadcast — particularly questioning the wearing of an overcoat.
"I'm going to be like Dan Rather on YouTube," joked Couric, alluding to Rather by fiddling with her coat. "Geez, don't you think he deserves a little payback?"
She then added, laughing: "This tart is ready to go!"
Rather, who left CBS News in March 2005, in June referred to his successor as "a nice person," but said "the mistake was to try to bring the 'Today' show ethos to the 'Evening News,' and to dumb it down, tart it up in hopes of attracting a younger audience."
The video of Couric (http://tinyurl.com/2w6y6a) was posted by comedian Harry Shearer on MyDamnChannel.com, a video Web site co-founded by Shearer. He also posted the video of Rather, taken from his anchoring days, last month (http://tinyurl.com/35jlva).
Jen Farley, a spokeswoman for CBS would not comment on whether someone from CBS had supplied the video.
It could have come from any number of places, including CBS affiliates, which receive pre-broadcast footage.
"It was from an open satellite from a location in Nashville," said Farley.
The timing of the video coincides with a legal battle between Rather, who now does the show "Dan Rather Reports" for cable station HDNet.
Rather is suing CBS for $20 million in compensatory damages and $50 million in punitive damages, claiming his bosses made him a "scapegoat" for the controversy that arose over a disputed story about President Bush's military service.
CBS on Thursday asked a judge to dismiss the defamation lawsuit filed against the network and its parent company, Viacom Inc., arguing that he waited too long to take legal action.
Rather didn't immediately return a call from The Associated Press on Friday.
Seriously, even with the whole convoluted and paradoxical history of highly advanced news reporter robots waging a war in the present, and even with me being one of said news reporter robots that was reformatted from a Rather model to a Couric model, I'm not seeing the newsworthiness here. If you do see any reason some dumbass at the Associated Press shouldn't be fired over wasting valuable internet space over this stupidity, please let me know.
And, fuck, Shearer! You are apparently not a very funny man when someone else isn't writing for you. I think my next cutting-edge expose is going to be about why The Simpsons sucks so much cock now, and how your evident lack of funny skills must be at the root of stupid shit like, well, every damn episode from the past five years! Christ Jesus above, I feel so violated by your having wasted so much of my time with those stupid videos that I'm never going to be able to watch Spinal Tap or A Mighty Wind again! Those were two of my favorites, and now you've ruined them, you jackass!