God help me, I think I work with Snigtad's dad!

Slicker · Post by **Slicker** » Fri Oct 13, 2006 8:41 am

I think everyone works with a liar or two. I work with one that lies to one up you. If you said you ate 6 potato chips he'd say he ate 7. If you drank 10 beers he drank 11. If you had sex with one fat girl he had sex with 2.

None of us believe his shit but we hang out with him because he always cooks out and buys the alcohol.

I'll put up with a liar for hamburgers and Bud Light.

anarky · Post by **anarky** » Fri Oct 13, 2006 8:48 am

Funny thing about these people who have to lie about seeing celebrities, I actually did see Kenny Rogers in the greeting card aisle at a Target not far from the casino that he was performing at. He was heavily made-up, but wearing trashy sweats. I kinda did a double-take, thought to myself, "That's the Gambler, dude," and went to look at SW figures. Big fucking deal. He may be well-known, but he's just a dude who sings for his food, the same way some people dig trenches or scoop horse shit. Oh, and he knows when to hold them, when to fold them, when to walk away, and when to run.

I don't make a huge deal about it.

anarky · Post by **anarky** » Fri Oct 13, 2006 5:40 pm

Holy fuck! How did I forget this one? This is the best stupid pathological lie she's thrown out!

Five years ago, she and her husband wanted to sell some old car they had. So they took an ad out in the Penny Saver to sell it for $500 or best offer. This teenager comes by, with his five brothers and their father, who's a mechanic, to check out the car. He test drives it, careening around the block at breakneck speed and worrying her half to death that he's going to crash and sue her.

So he comes back and says he wants the car, but he doesn't have enough money, and doesn't have a bank account. He gives her $100 to hold it and asks if he can come back with his dad a week later so he can write a check. (I suppose she forgot that she'd said the father was there.)

Anyway, the kid goes on to create South Park. That's right. Five years ago, this teenaged kid was destined for fame and fortune creating a series that, somehow, had already run five seasons by this time!

"Cool," I said. (I've learned one thing from my brother: it's funny as shit to humor these people and make them dig themselves deeper holes.) "Was it Matt or Trey?"

"Oh, that wasn't his name. I don't remember, but I'd know it if I heard it. It was the guy who created it."

kidhuman · Post by **kidhuman** » Fri Oct 13, 2006 5:55 pm

LMAO, maybe if your bro and her werent married, this would be a great couple. Especially when it comes to Bon Jovi tickets.

anarky · Post by **anarky** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 11:35 am

Add mechanic, ranchhand, concert flautist, and concert cellist to the list.

Oy vey.

The Grin · Post by **The Grin** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 12:34 pm

I bet that woman can be a good lay...depending on which one of her shows up.

Slicker · Post by **Slicker** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 4:55 pm

This shit just keeps gettin' better and better.

anarky · Post by **anarky** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 1:19 pm

The latest:

Her son. . . Wow. Where do I begin? She pulled up a webpage at work, and pointed out her son. "He's the coach." Then she said, "Wait, that's the assistant coach! They look so much alike!" Dude, you can't tell your own fucking son in a crystal-clear fucking photo? Christ.

So this boy, whom I shall call "Gary Flantdig," set a world's record in high school by lifting 1,000 pounds. He went on to study medicine and history at college while on a full ride football scholarship. He was drafted to the Colts and was quarterback for a couple of seasons before hurting his leg. So he went back and got his PhD so he could coach high school football and soccer. He's also a minister, and started his own church. And he's always (swear to God, her words) surrounded by hot young cheerleaders.

Man, the billshit never stops spewing out her mouth!

anarky · Post by **anarky** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 1:35 pm

Sorry for the double post, but, God help me, I think I work with Slicker's Mom's apprentice!

This temp's been here for about a month. She is fugly. Absolutely fugly. Decent personality, but don't look her in the face or you might turn to stone. I can maybe see what the appeal could be from the neck down, but a paper bag would absolutely be required to preserve one's sanity.

Anyway, I'll just lay out the facts that have come up in various conversations I've participated in and overheard, with no commentary. You do the math.

She is 23 years old.
She has four kids.
Each kid has a different father.
Two kids were born almost exactly nine months apart.
She has restraining orders against at least two "baby daddies."
She actually uses the term "baby daddy" in normal conversation.
In the time since she's been here, she broke up with a live-in boyfriend.
And less than a week later, was living with another guy.
And she thinks she might be pregnant again.

mabudon · Post by **mabudon** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 2:39 pm

Man, the recent develpoments are fascinating- no joke, I am really pleased to see new posts in here so frequently

So SMA (for slicker's moms apprentice) can't keep em closed, AND has the mental capacity and maturity level a retarded six year old child (no offence to retarded children intended)
Sound kinda like the beginning of a lot of Lanny stories hereabouts, I think I should post a few choice bits abouth the crack Lannies who live next door, I have heard some choice nuggets from them, tho the only way to properly give you fine folks the "picture" would, in fact, be to get some pics

anarky · Post by **anarky** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 4:05 pm

Best thing about SMA is that she's one of those types who goes on about her "Christian values." One of those "Oh, I don't use that sort of language because it's not morally right" types.

News flash! Although any moron who believes the Bible prohibits sex is an idiot who should stop believing everything they're spoonfed and actually read the damned book, I've never seen a church where the preacher says, "Ye, verily, go and maketh of thyself a jizzbucket for any male who doth have a pulse." If Christian values are what you purport to believe, then if you're popping out bastards like that, then you're a fucking hypocrite.

I mean, if Christina Aguilera calls you up and says, "Yo, girlfriend, you're a whore," you're not setting the best example for your kids.

Senor JabbaJohnL · Post by **Senor JabbaJohnL** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 5:00 pm

Snigtad's Mom is probably some suicidal freak who tells this shit to make herself feel better. At any rate, keep posting, it's all great.

Slimmie · Post by **Slimmie** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 5:32 pm

anarky wrote: ..... but don't look her in the face or you might turn to stone.

Sounds like you may get her pregnant as well. These are the people who should be sterilized after one 'lil bastard.

kidhuman · Post by **kidhuman** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 7:20 pm

mabudon wrote: maturity level a retarded six year old child (no offence to retarded children intended)

Ya see Slimmie, even we have respect for your kind. Now to the fucking circus with you. The elephants are dancing again

Post by **vynsane** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 8:40 pm

this could be a candidate for "topic of the year"... awesome shit...