God help me, I think I work with Snigtad's dad!

anarky · Post by **anarky** » Mon Apr 17, 2006 8:05 pm

Okay, there's a manager in one of the other departments at the hellhole where I work now who I just realized must be related to Snigtad Flornbi!

I swear to you I am not making any of this shit up.

They hired a new VP (this company loves to hire VPs while not giving rank-and-file employees raises [frus]). The guy reminds me of a weird genetic experiment combining J Jonah Jameson, as played in the Spider-Man films, with George Steinbrenner. Not the real Steinbrenner, mind you, the character from Seinfeld.

He's always making weird cracks that he thinks are funny, but are damned pathetic. Like mock threats that I'm sure amuse him to death, but seem borderline sick.

Here's a sample. I was moving some stuff using a hand-truck, and he was in the hall and stepped out of the way.
Snigtad Sr: "Better move, I don't want you to run me over."
Me: "Yeah, I'd hate for my insurance to go up."
Snigtad Sr: "That'd be the least of your worries, 'cause I'd kick your ass."
Not like a real "dude, this guy is fucked up; I'd better stay away from him" comment, but more a "dude, this guy is fucked up; I'd better keep an eye on him to amuse myself."

The company is saddled with pointless beaurocracy. Long story short, to streamline to document approval process, he hired two more people who have to check everything and therefore created red tape to eliminate it. I can't find the logic therein.

At one quarterly update meeting recently, he insisted on showing slides of his fishing trip. Even though he'd only been there a matter of a couple of weeks at that point, and no one who didn't already report to him knew who the fuck he was.

Here's the real kicker. When he started, he somehow brought up in conversation with another worker that his son was the drummer for Collective Soul and had been for years. Everyone thought that was really cool, and he confirmed this was the Collective Soul, and that the guy had been in the band for years. But he couldn't get discount tickets, even for himself, when they came to town.

Now, call me crazy, but having a family full of pathological liars, I was a bit skeptical when I heard of this. So I went home and pulled out a few Collective Soul albums. Lo and behold, the drummer's name on none of these matched the name he'd given, nor did the guy bear even a slight resemblance to the picture he had of his "son." (At this point, I'm doubting that it's truly a relation.) I think he just figured no one was at the right age to remember Collective Soul, and they weren't as big as, say, Pearl Jam or Soul Asylum, so he could get away with it.

It's freaky as hell. But pretty fucking funny, too.

mabudon · Post by **mabudon** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 10:44 am

Any updates on this?? sounds like the the guy is .... interesting to say the least, I kinda imagine Carrell from the Office while reading this [beard]

jjreason · Post by **jjreason** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 11:23 pm

Exactly. You should bring in one of the Albums and play it in the office - then start asking what his son thought about his song and that song, how he liked playing in Seattle with Nirvana in 94 (some time after Kurt died, it would be funny to see if he played along or not).

kidhuman · Post by **kidhuman** » Mon Apr 24, 2006 2:08 am

What a schmuck, I will whip his ass if you fly me out there.

Antropov · Post by **Antropov** » Mon Apr 24, 2006 7:13 am

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by kidhuman
 What a schmuck, I will whip his ass if you fly me out there.
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">You better hope your insurance doesn't go up.

anarky · Post by **anarky** » Fri Sep 22, 2006 4:35 pm

Man, you thought that was nutsen, wait until I get home. Because God help me, I think I work with both Snigtad's parents!

kidhuman · Post by **kidhuman** » Fri Sep 22, 2006 4:57 pm

No shit, the both of them, this should be a good story

Antropov · Post by **Antropov** » Fri Sep 22, 2006 7:05 pm

Should be fun. Certainly better than the other stuff that passes for "hijinks" and "antics" around these parts as of late.

Senor JabbaJohnL · Post by **Senor JabbaJohnL** » Sat Sep 23, 2006 6:54 pm

Damn, Anarky's been working so hard that he never got home last night!

Dell Rusk · Post by **Dell Rusk** » Sat Sep 23, 2006 7:25 pm

I AM SHURE HE WAS FUKCING HIS OAN DADDEY!!!!

ALL HELL DOOSHE!!

Bizarro The Grin · Post by **Bizarro The Grin** » Sat Sep 23, 2006 7:29 pm

Dell Rusk wrote:I AM SHURE HE WAS FUKCING HIS OAN DADDEY!!!!

hEY! tHAT'S MY JOB, aNARKY!

anarky · Post by **anarky** » Thu Oct 12, 2006 10:52 pm

Sorry. I obviously can't get into this at work (though I shouldn't be on this site anyway), and when I get home, morons at work aren't my #1 priority.

Anyway, this woman hired about three months ago is the craziest pathological liar I've ever encountered. She's worse than Snigtad. She's worse than Dell. Fuck, she's worse than my brother!

She's a 50-something woman, not particularly bright, and a major fucking kiss-ass. My boss isn't a great manager by any stretch of the imagination, and loves kiss-asses, so this bint was hired without any real reason.

She went on and on while she was still there on a temp basis about how great she was with computers, especially financial programs. I first suspected something was amiss when she had no idea how to do very basic shit in Excel--not even copy and paste!

Oh, and she's amazingly entranced by the fucking animated dog office assistant in Windows. Swear to God, when the boss isn't around, she sits there for hours on end (when not interrupted with pesky work) and watches the stupid dog, laughing at it and telling everyone to see how cute it is.

She was recently introduced to PhotoShop and complains that it should be straightforward like Word or Publisher. (I shudder to imagine how she'll react to InDesign if I'm still working at this shithole when it comes time for her to learn.)

She has a laundry list of former jobs she's held. My favorite is that she was the vice president of sales for the entire western US for a major insurance company. But she didn't know New Mexico was not part of Mexico.

She's also been a notary, a realtor, an antique store owner, a restaurant owner, a caterer, a tour guide, a travel agent, a publisher, an editor, a banker, an accountant, a photographer, a daycare owner, and I forget what the hell else. Mind you, this was all within the last five years. She was not unsuccessful at any of these vocations, but got bored with each of them. I guess she decided that entry-level marketing was more exciting.

She's a devout Mormon, but is divorced and loves to down coffee and seems to have quite an appreciation for margaritas.

Her husband has sleep apnea, and is going to have to have a machine installed in his throat to help him breathe at night. I've not been able to get any specifics on this machine, but it apparently is a big deal.

Yes, y'all, she is one of those people who has to lie. No matter what, she will come up with a lie about it. Like my brother, but worse. I didn't think that was possible. (Keep in mind for those of you I've told, my brother tried to convince me in January of last year that ROTS would be delayed because the guy who did all the special effects died in a car wreck.)

Some of her other, more interesting lies:

She met Rod Stewart at an El Toritos where he used to hang out in LA, when she lived down the street from him. For those of you back east, El Toritos is basically like Chi-Chi's, with better food. Never mind that Rod was living in another country at the time in question.
Thirty years ago, she ran into a senile Ed McMahon at a grocery store, where he was ripping open packages, eating food, and putting half eaten food back on the shelf. When the manager politely confronted him, he said, "I can do what I want! Don't you know who I am?" (I had to giggle, more because I couldn't help but picture Ed McMahon saying, "I'm Ed McMahon, bitch!")
Blood pressure medication wasn't profitable enough for the drug companies, so they started selling it as Viagra.
The Beatles first recorded "Mellow Yellow." No, it wasn't Donovan. Donovan must've ripped them off, and you're too young to know anything about the Beatles anyway. (I guess my complete collection of their recordings means jackshit.)
You have to roar like a lion at young parrots so they know you're the boss.

There are a fuckload more funny ones that escape me right now, but I'll post them as I remember (or, now that you have the background, as more happen).

And I'll have to tell you fuckheads about her little "I quit!" escapade last week. (Needless to say, she didn't quit.)

kidhuman · Post by **kidhuman** » Fri Oct 13, 2006 6:19 am

The same thing happened to me when I saw Ed McMahon at Wal-Mart. He was eating bags of Kit Kats,

Antropov · Post by **Antropov** » Fri Oct 13, 2006 6:45 am

Good story, Chux. I look forward to "The Continuing Adventures of...":yeaha:

Once this thread dies, Slicker and I may start telling our "Vader the Ventilator" stories (A fat Mexican dude who sounded like a cross between Darth Vader and an emphysema patient everytime he breathed who was almost as bad a pathological liar as your friend). For now I'll just share with you the crazy hag in my research seminar.

First of all, I can't stand the 50-60 year old lady in a college course who asks way to many questions. Strike one. Strike two is dragging around an archaic laptop as if you're impressing someone. Finally, and strike three for those keeping score at home, she has alot in common with your pal, Chux. She's an attorney, but she didn't like the stereotypes so she quit. She was a school teacher, but she began to not trust her students so she quit. She worked as a foreman doing construction but she tired of the sexual harassment and quit. She worked in real estate but didn't find it challenging enough so she quit. Now she teaches karate to 16-60 year olds and finds it "extremely rewarding".

Based on her resume, she could have upwards of three bachelor's degrees and whatever credentials are involved in the law profession (Does everyone have to pass the BAR?). Further, she's also been certified to teach karate and be a contractor. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't she have to be in her late 120's to have earned all of these degrees?

anarky · Post by **anarky** » Fri Oct 13, 2006 8:26 am

Yup.

There was a damned annoying older woman in a few of my college courses. (I went to a smaller school, so some overlap was inevitable.) She knew absolutely nothing. And in one class taught by this cool, but a bit too easygoing, hippie-ish professor, she turned a five minute presentation on Sylvia Plath into three hours! And it was all bullshit!

I'll have to tell you guys at some point about the other lunatic in my college courses.

Oh, and KH, I've not forgotten that I'll have to post the full Texas story here.