the vynsane asylum

HAPPY BIRFDAY MMMURRICA!! YOO KICK ALL KINDS OF ASS! I EXSPECIALLY LIKE HOW GEORGE WASHINGTON KICKED ALL THEM ENGLISH INJUNS OUT BECAUSE THEY KILLED THE PILGRIMS WITH POISONED TURKEY LEGS AND THEN HIRED THAT AMISH GIANT TO FREE THE SLAVES SO WE COULD SEND EM ALL TO VIETNAM AND KILL THEM TINY YELLER...

HAPPY BURTHDAY, OPHELIA MUH DARLIN'!! IF YOU AIN'T JUST THE PURTIEST THANG THIS SIDE OF AN ALL YOO CAN EAT BOOFAY I DON'T WHUT IS. AND SINCE YOU MEAN MORE THAN ANYTHING TO ME IN THIS WORLD... I DONE TOOK A PICTURE OF MUH PENIS AND POSTED IT FER YA HEAR TO ENJOY AND MEBBE FIDDLE YERSELF TO. I ENT SE...

GOLDAMN SON. I ENT ONE TER CRITICIZE A MAN BEING ON THE HEAVY SIDE OR NOTHIN' BUT...GOLDAMN! ITS ONE THING FOR A WOMAN TO BE RUBENESQUE. RUBENESQUE. RUBEN SANWICHES. AND SOME SEASALT FRIES. AND SOME FRIED CHICKEN. DAMMIT, NOW IM FEELIN' WHAT THE JEWS REFER TO AS 'PECKISH'. OPHELIA!! WHIP ME UP SOME...

HAPPY BIRFDAY, OPHELIA MY SWEET! TONIGHT YER GETTING THE SPECIAL BIRFDAY SEX!! I GOTS YA SUMTHIN SPECIAL FROM VICTOR-YAS SECRET TA WEAR INNA BEDROOM. I ALSO ORDERED SUMTHIN FROM THAT ADAM'N'EVE CATALOG YOO LIKE TO DIDDLE YERSELF TO IN THE JOHN. THIS YEAR WE'RE GONNA GET KINKY AND DO IT IN THE BOY'S...

ZAPHOD, YOU REMIND ME OF MY OWN BOY. BEFORE HE DONE RUN OFF TO WHATEVER HEATHEN LIFESTYLE HE CHOSE. WITH LOOSE WOMEN AND DRUGS AND COLLEGE BOOK LEARNIN' AND SUCH. TAINT NO GOOD'LL COME OF IT AN HE WORRIES HIS POOR MOTHER SO. WE ENT HEARD FROM THAT NO GOOD LITTLE SACK O SHIT IN YEARS. I ASK YA, WHAT...

WE TRIED TO CARCH A GAY ONCE. WE DONE SET TRAPS N'EVERTHING. HE KEP COMIN' ROUND THE HOUSE SNIFFIN AFTER THE BOY WITH HIS SWEATER VEST AND HIS PARTED HAIR AND HIS VOCAB-YOU-LARRY. HE SAID HE WAS "HELPING" THE BOY WITH HIS "HOMEWORK" BUT I TOLD OPHELIA THAT'S JUST QUEER CODE FER ...

IF'N YER TALKIN' ABOUT THAT SUMBITCH IDJIT SON OF MINE, Y'AINT GOT TO WORRY ABOUT HIM POSTIN' NONE MORE OF HIS IDJIT TALK. ME AN OPHELIA GOT HIM IN ONE A THEM THAR 'PRAY THE GAY AWAY' CAMPS. HE INSISTED HE TWERENT GAY, BUT HE DONE ASKED FER GLEE SEASON 1 DVD FER CHRISTMAS, SO'S I KNOWED HE WAS LYIN...

SPEAKIN' O BEANS, WHADDYA CALL AN UNDOCUMENTED BEAN PICKER FROM MEXICO WORKING IN FIELDS IN MISSOURAH? GIVE UP? PEDRO!! HAW HAW!! WAIT. DID I TELL THAT WRONG? WHADDYA CALL A MEXICAN BEAN PICKER? NO. WAITASEC. WHADDYA CALL A GUY NAMED PEDRO...AW FUCK. THAT T'AINT IT NEITHER. ANYWAYS, IT'S A JOKE WHA...